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The Office quotes
Why would somebody ruin a perfectly good carpet? I don't know. It could be done out of hate. It could be done out of love. It could be completely neutral. Maybe somebody hates the cleaning lady. And, well, she doesn't do a very good job, obviously, because my office still reeks like you would not believe. I hate her.
Okay, I'm gonna call you Kapoor, okay, and you Hannon.
If we're changing names, can I be Erin? It's my middle name.
Erin? Okay, that's very pretty.
Well, you know what my name is? Rajnigandha. And I hate it. I hate it!
I thought Rajnigandha was a boy's name.
I'm going to be your new boss! (chuckles) It is my greatest dream come true. Welcome to the Hotel Hell. Check-in time is now, check-out time is never.
Does my room have cable?
No. And the sheets are made of fire.
Can I change rooms?
Sorry, we're all booked up. Hell convention in town.
Can I have a late checkout?
I'll have to talk to the manager.
You're not the manager? Even in your own fantasy?
I'm the owner. The co-owner. With Satan!
Okay. Just so I understand it: in your wildest fantasy, you are in Hell, and you are co-running a bed-and-breakfast with the Devil.
Yeah, but I haven't told you my salary yet.
Eighty *thousand* dollars a year.
A few years ago, my family was on a safari in Africa, and my cousin, Mufasa, was... He was trampled to death by a pack of wildebeests, and we all took it really hard. All of us kind of in the audience of what happened.
Do you want to talk about it any more?
Oh, it would probably take me, like, an hour and a half to tell that whole story.
You could assume everyone is and not say anything offensive.
Yeah. I'm sure everyone would appreciate me treating them like they were gay.
I saw all your hard drives and guess what? (gestures to Ryan) You're not a photographer. (gestures to Kelly) And you definitely can't fit into a size two. Darryl, man, you're on Facebook. Why you been telling people you're not on Facebook? People want to be your friend, man! Alright? And you. (points to Andy) This guy, you're the one who told the press. You wrote an e-mail to the editor. I saw it, and I also saw a QuickTime movie of your little printer fire test on your hard drive. This guy's the snitch, he's the snitch. So that's it. Check it out. (gives everyone the finger and leaves)
(comparing the warehouses's safety training to theirs) They used props, they used visual aids and they just made us look like dopes.
Idiots! God what are we going to *do*?
I don't know. I don't know. Because you know what our killer is?
A quilt. A depression quilt?
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