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Selected lines and quotes from the tv show Seinfeld. Check out our great collection of dialogues and quotes from the tv series Seinfeld and search our website for thousands of other quotes on various topics from a great variety of authors, movies and tv shows.

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Seinfeld quotes

Jerry Seinfeld: Looking at cleavage is like looking at the sun. You don't stare at it, it's too risky. You get a sense of it then you look away.

Gina: (Gina's boyfriend Martin is in a coma) Kiss me right in front of him.
Jerry Seinfeld: I can't. What if he wakes up.
Gina: A man is lying here unconscious and you're afraid of him. What kind of a man are you?
Jerry Seinfeld: I'm a man who respects a good coma.

Cosmo Kramer: Little Jerry is a lean, mean pecking machine.
George Costanza: Celia is up for parole.
Cosmo Kramer: (looks at George) Who?
George Costanza: (looks at Kramer) What?
Jerry Seinfeld: I'm too tired.

Elaine Benes: What do we need the pinky toe for?
Jerry Seinfeld: Because, Elaine, that's the one that goes wee wee wee all the way home.
Elaine Benes: Why don't you just shut the fu... up?

Art Patron: (describing his view of "The Kramer" portrait) He is a loathsome, offensive brute. Yet I can't look away.

Elaine Benes: I'm not a lesbian. I hate men, but I'm not a lesbian.

Alan: So that's it? We're, uh, we're breakin' up?
Elaine Benes: What breakup? We went out on one date.
Elaine Benes: All right, good. Good.
Alan: Okay, then, well, so... see ya around... big head.
Elaine Benes: Pardon?
Alan: You got a big head. It's too big for your body.
Elaine Benes: That's it? That's the best you got?

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