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Selected lines and quotes from the tv show Mystery Science Theater 3000. Check out our great collection of dialogues and quotes from the tv series Mystery Science Theater 3000 and search our website for thousands of other quotes on various topics from a great variety of authors, movies and tv shows.

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Mystery Science Theater 3000 quotes

Mike Nelson: Employees must wash tongues before returning to work.

Crow T. Robot: This looks like a job for girl... woman!

Joel Robinson: As the noose was fitted, and as a delicate black mask was tied around the prisoner's eyes, "May the Lord have mercy on... "
Tom Servo: Booooo-ring! Boring!
Joel Robinson: Oh, hi everybody, welcome to the Satellite of Love, I'm Joel Robinson, and I'm with my robots, Tom Servo and Crow T. Robot, and I'm reading them some really scary bedtime stories, but they're so jaded! I mean, kids today ahve seen and heard everything, believe me!
Magic Voice: Oh, isn't that the truth! Commercial Sign in 30 seconds.
Tom Servo: C'mon, Joel, you've been reading us nothing but the light stuff! "In Cold Blood," "Helter Skelter," the 17 novels that Stephen King published this year, come on! Read us something REALLY scary!
Crow T. Robot: Yeah, c'mon!
Joel Robinson: Okay, I've been saving a really, really scary one. That is, if you guys think you're old enough, if you think you can handle it.
Crow T. Robot: Oh, I'm sure it's REALLY scary! Do I dare ask what it's called?
Joel Robinson: Oh, "Life's Little Instruction Book!"
Joel Robinson: (the bots recoil in horror) Okay, "1. Put a lot of little marshmallows in your hot chocolate.
Joel Robinson: (they scream) 2. Surprise your new neighbor with one of your favorite homemade dishes and include the recipe."
Tom Servo: NOT THE RECIPE!
Joel Robinson: 3. At the movies, buy Junior Mints and sprinkle them on your popcorn." "4. Enjoy real maple syrup."
Tom Servo: The horror, the horror.

Troy: Rowsdower, have you always been a...
Crow T. Robot: Hopeless drunk?
Troy: ...Drifter?
Rowsdower: No.
Troy: Well, what were you before?
Rowsdower: I was...
Mike Nelson: A Chippendale's dancer.

Tom Servo: Oh, good, risk the children's lives, Santa.

Tom Servo: Gee, even the movie "The Fog" didn't have this much fog.

Crow T. Robot: Uh, we did the right thing, didn't we? Uh, they'd never surrender. It was right to blow 'em up.
Crow T. Robot: Thanks for annihilating everything I know.

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