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My Wife and Kids quotes

Dr. Tyler: I'm your private dancer!

Kady Kyle: Why was Mommy screaming 'oh God oh God oh God'?
Michael Kyle: She was thankful.
Kady Kyle: Why was she screaming?
Michael Kyle: Because she was having fun, you know how when you go to the amusement park and ride the roller coaster and you go AAAAHHHHH!
Kady Kyle: When it was over did Mommy throw up?
Michael Kyle: No but she did ride it backwards.

Michael Kyle: So how's your mother?
Janet 'Jay' Kyle: Oh please, you know how she is, she had me cooking for her all the time. Her answer to everything has always been food.
Michael Kyle: You must've had a million questions.

Michael Kyle, Jr.: (looks at it) Toilet water!
Aunt Kelly: No, it's eau de toilette. It's a very expensive French cologne.
Michael Kyle, Jr.: Oh, French! Gracias!

Janet 'Jay' Marie Kyle: Why does your cousin have to get married at night?
Michael Kyle: Because he's an insomniac and she's ugly.

Janet 'Jay' Kyle: (to Michael) Go ahead and make jokes, laugh it up, because now you have to go upstairs and tell Kady what you do to me.
Michael Kyle: Me? Why do I have to?
Janet 'Jay' Kyle: Because it's your turn.
Michael Kyle: No, I tell the boys.
Janet 'Jay' Kyle: Na, we switch off, I get the next one.
Michael Kyle: What next one? There is no next one.
Janet 'Jay' Kyle: I don't know about that, you seemed pretty good at that tonight, the law had to come.

Michael Kyle: Remember when I lost my hair, you had all the jokes? I was Sherman Hemsley, I was Mr. Clean, I was Kojack, remember this? (sticks his head under her armpit) You said I was your roll on deodorant.
Janet 'Jay' Kyle: It's funnier when it's you instead of me, Michael,
Michael Kyle: Well we need to laugh at you, Jay, because we can either laugh at this or you need to do something about it.

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