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Jonathan Creek quotes

Jonathan Creek: (about Carla's Father) I just remember saying that I thought he was a bit of a pr***... ly sort of gentleman.

Charlotte: We went out for this wonderful meal, talked about everything. Then I took him back to my place. I literally offered myself on a plate to him that night... but, for whatever reason, he just made up an excuse and left... but, there you go, I suppose I just wasn't his type...
Maddy Magellan: (dismissive) Hmm, suppose. Now, Charlotte, I just want to run over some facts about the case with you, would you mind.

Jonathan Creek: I was just wondering what the technical term for that was - not so much "bigamy" as "bu****-me".

Maddy Magellan: When this is all over I'm going to open a sweet shop. I've decided. With sour lemons.

Jonathan Creek: So this is it, is it? Through the swirling fog of Victorian London a young girl is slashed to ribbons by Toad of Toad Hall!

Madeline Magellan: Enough with the pedanticism and let us eat.
Jonathan Creek: The word is pedantry.

Maddy Magellan: (entering restaurant with Gary Lobo) I don't think I'll be spending the morning in a tank of boiling hot ink again in a hurry...
Maddy Magellan: I feel like a poached octopus!
Gary Lobo: (at a table) Yeah, Personally I found her novels disturbing yet, er, compelling. When she writes, for example, of a mutant fetus that strangles a young girl with its umbilical cord. The metaphor is, er, obvious
Gary Lobo: yet to mine the vilest scenes of obscenity to get to the core of the human condition...
Maddy Magellan: (cynically)... and making wads of money selling loads of tacky books didn't really come into it?
Maddy Magellan: What the hell is this?
Waiter: Your order madam - the poached octopus...
Maddy Magellan: (spluttering) Poached oct-? Have you gone stark staring bonkers?
Waiter: If there's been a mistake, my sincerest apologies. It's no problem, I'll have it returned and you can place another order.
Maddy Magellan: No alright! Go on then. You might as well leave it now that it's here I suppose... (begins to tuck in)

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