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Selected lines and quotes from the tv show Family Matters. Check out our great collection of dialogues and quotes from the tv series Family Matters and search our website for thousands of other quotes on various topics from a great variety of authors, movies and tv shows.

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Family Matters quotes

Halawna, Oneisha: (pop up in the car Clarence stole) Surprise!
Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: (shocked) And he brought hooters!
'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: That's hotties, Steve.

Carl: Rachel, you're putting entirely too much filling in those.
Rachel Crawford: I'm what? (Turns and squirts filling on Carl's shirt)
Carl: You shot your bag at me!

Steve Urkel: I have a spectacular evening planned!
Laura: We're not going anywhere until the ground rules are straight. First of all, this is not a real date. It's a "non-date". Second, no one must ever know about this "non-date". Third, if you touch me at any time, the "non-date" is over.
Steve Urkel: Well, what if you trip or something?
Laura: Just let me fall! The rest of the rules are covered in this contract.
Steve Urkel: (reading) "No mouth breathing, no snorting, no drooling". Who does these things? They're disgusting. Where do I sign?

Judge Vance: All right, young man, call your first witness.
Steve Urkel: Your Honor, I would like to call Waldo Faldo!
Waldo Geraldo Faldo: Okay, but I'm not home.

Steve Urkel: I've taken a vow of chastity.
Carl: Steve, you've always been chaste.
Steve Urkel: Yeah, but now I have an excuse.

Steve Urkel: All right, Laura, we'll randeavou at the Isetta.
Laura: The Isetta?
Steve Urkel: That's what I saida!

Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: State your name.
Waldo Geraldo Faldo: Illinois.
Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Uh... no, Waldo, state your name. Not name your state.
Waldo Geraldo Faldo: Oh, cool. Waldo Faldo... from Illinois.

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