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Selected lines and quotes from the tv show Family Guy. Check out our great collection of dialogues and quotes from the tv series Family Guy and search our website for thousands of other quotes on various topics from a great variety of authors, movies and tv shows.

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Family Guy quotes

Brian Griffin: Do you have a bathroom?
Of The New Yorker: Yes, follow me. (takes Brian to a room where there are sinks, but no toilets)
Brian Griffin: Um... where are the toilets?
Of The New Yorker: Oh, no one at the New Yorker has an an**.

Peter Griffin: (after "Family Guy" returns to Fox with new episodes, after a few years off the air) Everybody, I got bad news. We've been canceled.
Lois Griffin: Oh, no! Peter, how could they do that?
Peter Griffin: Well, unfortunately, Lois, there's just no more room on the schedule. We've just got to accept the fact that Fox has to make room for terrific shows, like "Dark Angel", "Titus", "Undeclared", "Action", "That '80s Show", "Wonder Falls", "Fastlane", "Andy Richter Controls the Universe", "Skin", "Girls Club", "Cracking Up", "The Pitts", "Firefly", "Get Real", "Freaky Links", "Wanda at Large", "Costello", "The Lone Gunmen", "A Minute with Stan Hooper", "Normal, Ohio", "Pasadena", "Harsh Realm", "Keen Eddie", "The Street", "American Embassy", "Cedric the Entertainer", "The Tick", "Louie", and "Greg the Bunny".
Lois Griffin: Is there no hope?
Peter Griffin: Well, I suppose if all those shows go down the tubes, we might have a shot.

Brian Griffin: Wow. 18 year old Lois. Son of a bi***.

Tom Tucker: We'll return with a report on the cl******: Nature's Rubik's cube.

Cleveland Brown As R2-D2: I like all these electrical wires just nailed to the ice. That's probably pretty safe, right?

Stewie Griffin: You will not call them Mommy and Daddy! It's Lois and the Fat Man, do you understand me?

Peter Griffin: You know that Chuck Norris is so tough, that there is no chin behind is beard, it's only another fist.
Brian Griffin: That's ridiculous. (he finds Chuck Norris behind him. then a fist come out of his beard and punches out Brian)

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