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Cougar Town quotes

Laurie Keller: (Waking up with Grayson "the morning after") What we did last night was perfectly natural, like the wind... and not trusting Canadians.

Ellie Torres: (to Laurie) Dear God, your dress is so short I can see your IUD!

Bobby Cobb: An M80 dropped out of my pocket and into the fire, can y'all here me talking right now.

Laurie Keller: What sort of sk*** wears a watch?

Dr. Amy Evans: I like queen bi***. It makes me sound like leader of the gays.

Jules Cobb: (Angry) You based all of my treatment on your dog?
Glenn: Ajam. (Jules is stressed) Ok, I'm just gonna light a little sage in here 'cause, you know? It's very calming so let's all just (whistles) calm.
Jules Cobb: It's just... I can't believe you lied to me.
Glenn: (Pointing at Jules, slightly angry) Hey, hey, hey, Jules! And yes, this is my steering voice.
Jules Cobb: (Slighty intimidated) I don't like your steering voice.
Glenn: All I ever do was used my personal experience (starts coughing because of the sage) to help you. All right? I've never lied on this office. Ever. This is a sacred circle (keeps coughing) of truth.
Jules Cobb: Is it, Glenn?
Glenn: What?
Jules Cobb: Tell me. After we left, did you leave a note on that car?
Glenn: Yes, I did.
Jules Cobb: What did it say?
Glenn: It said: Suck it! (Jules nods, having proved her point) I'm not perfect, Jules.
Jules Cobb: (Ironic) Really?
Glenn: That's how we connect. We are kindred spirits. Last time you said that you felt guilty because you hang up on your dad. Last Christimas, I set my car on fire so my mother would think I was dead.
Jules Cobb: Those aren't the same!
Glenn: Bah, they're so close. But you know what? I'm done playing with your judgement games. I'm not gonna play. You're gonna have to find another therapist.
Jules Cobb: YOU are firing ME?
Glenn: Here's your information.
Jules Cobb: Are you serious?
Glenn: Yeah.
Jules Cobb: You are a nutjob!
Glenn: Yeaaaaah.
Jules Cobb: You take your dog to communion!
Glenn: (Angry and obviously crazy) Hey, that was not my choice. That was Gabriel's choice. I was totally against that, Jules.

Jules Cobb: I have a date with this mean dermatologist. She's the worst.
Travis Cobb: Then why do you go to her?
Jules Cobb: Because she's the best.

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