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Selected lines and quotes from the tv show Cheers. Check out our great collection of dialogues and quotes from the tv series Cheers and search our website for thousands of other quotes on various topics from a great variety of authors, movies and tv shows.

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Cheers quotes

Larry: Hey, Norm, what's the matter? Don't you like having sex with your wife?
Norm Peterson: We're not exactly what each other wants in a sexual partner, you know? For example, she wishes I looked a little more like Charles Bronson. And, um, I wished she looked a little less like Charles Bronson.

Cliff Clavin: Well Carla, it is common knowledge I'm scientifically handy. As a matter of fact I spent a good part of my youth in a laboratory.
Carla Tortelli: And you'd still be there today if the chimpanzee hadn't taught you how to open your cage.

Woody Boyd: Miss Howe, I may be in the minority here, but I'm tired of all this plastic surgery talk. I think you're perfect just like you are.
Rebecca Howe: Well, Woody; no one is perfect. Surely there must be something about me you think needs improving.
Woody Boyd: OK. Your br***** then.
Rebecca Howe: Thank you, Woody.
Woody Boyd: No. Thank you.

Johnny Carson: (after telling Cliff's joke and hearing the audience dislike it) Whoa, stay where you are. Fortunately folks, in a situations like this, the band has instructions to come over and form a human barrier in front of the star. How did that line get on the cue cards, anyway? I should have done that joke with one of those big blue dots covering my face. Who wrote that joke anyway?
Cliff Clavin: (angrily getting to his feet) I wrote that joke, and it was great!
Johnny Carson: Pardon me?
Cliff Clavin: The problem wasn't the joke, the problem was you! You botched it! You botched my joke, Johnny Carson!
Norm Peterson: Sit down.
Cliff Clavin: (being let away by security) I'm not going to sit down! I wrote that joke! Get your hands off me! Is this the way you treat your talent, Carson?
Johnny Carson: (to audience) Ladies and Gentlemen, the President of NBC.

Diane Chambers: All my life I wanted to dance so badly!
Norm Peterson: Looks like you got your wish.

Frasier Crane: Oh say you know Norm, the guy on This Old House said you should apply paint with vertical strokes.
Norm Peterson: Yeah, what's This Old House?
Frasier Crane: Well it's a show on PBS.
Norm Peterson: What's PBS?
Lilith: Tell me you didn't see that coming a mile away.

Cliff Clavin: These are your golden years.
Ma Clavin: Oh, bless your heart. You've given me what every mother dreams of: a tastefully furnished room in which to die among strangers.

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