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Cheers quotes

Larry: Hey, Norm, what's the matter? Don't you like having sex with your wife?
Norm Peterson: We're not exactly what each other wants in a sexual partner, you know? For example, she wishes I looked a little more like Charles Bronson. And, um, I wished she looked a little less like Charles Bronson.

Cliff Clavin: Well Carla, it is common knowledge I'm scientifically handy. As a matter of fact I spent a good part of my youth in a laboratory.
Carla Tortelli: And you'd still be there today if the chimpanzee hadn't taught you how to open your cage.

Woody Boyd: Miss Howe, I may be in the minority here, but I'm tired of all this plastic surgery talk. I think you're perfect just like you are.
Rebecca Howe: Well, Woody; no one is perfect. Surely there must be something about me you think needs improving.
Woody Boyd: OK. Your br***** then.
Rebecca Howe: Thank you, Woody.
Woody Boyd: No. Thank you.

Johnny Carson: (after telling Cliff's joke and hearing the audience dislike it) Whoa, stay where you are. Fortunately folks, in a situations like this, the band has instructions to come over and form a human barrier in front of the star. How did that line get on the cue cards, anyway? I should have done that joke with one of those big blue dots covering my face. Who wrote that joke anyway?
Cliff Clavin: (angrily getting to his feet) I wrote that joke, and it was great!
Johnny Carson: Pardon me?
Cliff Clavin: The problem wasn't the joke, the problem was you! You botched it! You botched my joke, Johnny Carson!
Norm Peterson: Sit down.
Cliff Clavin: (being let away by security) I'm not going to sit down! I wrote that joke! Get your hands off me! Is this the way you treat your talent, Carson?
Johnny Carson: (to audience) Ladies and Gentlemen, the President of NBC.

Diane Chambers: All my life I wanted to dance so badly!
Norm Peterson: Looks like you got your wish.

Frasier Crane: Oh say you know Norm, the guy on This Old House said you should apply paint with vertical strokes.
Norm Peterson: Yeah, what's This Old House?
Frasier Crane: Well it's a show on PBS.
Norm Peterson: What's PBS?
Lilith: Tell me you didn't see that coming a mile away.

Cliff Clavin: These are your golden years.
Ma Clavin: Oh, bless your heart. You've given me what every mother dreams of: a tastefully furnished room in which to die among strangers.

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