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Selected lines and quotes from the tv show As If. Check out our great collection of dialogues and quotes from the tv series As If and search our website for thousands of other quotes on various topics from a great variety of authors, movies and tv shows.

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As If quotes

Suzanne 'Sooz' Lee: Jaime. If you really want to help you should go and create a performance piece. You know, something alone the line of... Food as Dirt... juxtaposed with the cleansing ritual.
Jamie Collier: Right, so you want me to do the washing up, then.

Alexander 'Alex' Stanton: Do you really think any girl in her right mind is gonna call you?
Jamie Collier: Two words my son... Sex Digest.
Alexander 'Alex' Stanton: Two more... Insane asylum.

Alexander 'Alex' Stanton: Aren't you underage?
Allen Rissbrook: For what?
Alexander 'Alex' Stanton: Drinking. And it's a school night.
Allen Rissbrook: All work and no play makes Al a dull boy.
Alexander 'Alex' Stanton: You mean me or you?
Allen Rissbrook: Sorry, we on a first name terms now?
Alexander 'Alex' Stanton: No I just...
Allen Rissbrook: Tell me. Are you feeling lucky tonight then? Cause I am. Al.

Allen Rissbrook: So here's how I see it. You're almost a teacher, and I'm pretty much a student. So it'd be a really bad idea if you kissed me.
Alexander 'Alex' Stanton: What?
Allen Rissbrook: It'd be like crossing a line.
Alexander 'Alex' Stanton: Yeah, and that's precisely why I'm NOT gonna do it.
Allen Rissbrook: No, but I can SAY ya did. Yeah?
Alexander 'Alex' Stanton: Are you threatening me? When I can tell them that you were sitting in here, underage...
Allen Rissbrook: (taking one of Alex's tequilas) Drinking a drink that you bought me? (Alex grabs his wrist) With you holding my hand?
Alexander 'Alex' Stanton: You're screwed up.
Allen Rissbrook: Kiss me. Or I'll say you did. You know you want to.
Alexander 'Alex' Stanton: No I don't.
Allen Rissbrook: Yes you do. Al... Sir...

Jamie Collier: (thinking that Al and Jeff had a date) So, you and Al hit it off last night then?
Jeff: (Thinking that he's talking about their night of drinking and darts) Yeah, his wrist action is a bit dodgy though. Needs a bit more oomph. His aim's really good. That's no use if the bl**** thing keeps popping out.

Nicki Sutton: I wanna know who he lost his virginity to.
Suzanne 'Sooz' Lee: We're not doing that, are we?
Alexander 'Alex' Stanton: Well I can tell you... She was more woman than you'll ever be, and more man than you'll ever get.

Suzanne 'Sooz' Lee: Life can't get any better.

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