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As If quotes

Suzanne 'Sooz' Lee: Jaime. If you really want to help you should go and create a performance piece. You know, something alone the line of... Food as Dirt... juxtaposed with the cleansing ritual.
Jamie Collier: Right, so you want me to do the washing up, then.

Alexander 'Alex' Stanton: Do you really think any girl in her right mind is gonna call you?
Jamie Collier: Two words my son... Sex Digest.
Alexander 'Alex' Stanton: Two more... Insane asylum.

Alexander 'Alex' Stanton: Aren't you underage?
Allen Rissbrook: For what?
Alexander 'Alex' Stanton: Drinking. And it's a school night.
Allen Rissbrook: All work and no play makes Al a dull boy.
Alexander 'Alex' Stanton: You mean me or you?
Allen Rissbrook: Sorry, we on a first name terms now?
Alexander 'Alex' Stanton: No I just...
Allen Rissbrook: Tell me. Are you feeling lucky tonight then? Cause I am. Al.

Allen Rissbrook: So here's how I see it. You're almost a teacher, and I'm pretty much a student. So it'd be a really bad idea if you kissed me.
Alexander 'Alex' Stanton: What?
Allen Rissbrook: It'd be like crossing a line.
Alexander 'Alex' Stanton: Yeah, and that's precisely why I'm NOT gonna do it.
Allen Rissbrook: No, but I can SAY ya did. Yeah?
Alexander 'Alex' Stanton: Are you threatening me? When I can tell them that you were sitting in here, underage...
Allen Rissbrook: (taking one of Alex's tequilas) Drinking a drink that you bought me? (Alex grabs his wrist) With you holding my hand?
Alexander 'Alex' Stanton: You're screwed up.
Allen Rissbrook: Kiss me. Or I'll say you did. You know you want to.
Alexander 'Alex' Stanton: No I don't.
Allen Rissbrook: Yes you do. Al... Sir...

Jamie Collier: (thinking that Al and Jeff had a date) So, you and Al hit it off last night then?
Jeff: (Thinking that he's talking about their night of drinking and darts) Yeah, his wrist action is a bit dodgy though. Needs a bit more oomph. His aim's really good. That's no use if the bl**** thing keeps popping out.

Nicki Sutton: I wanna know who he lost his virginity to.
Suzanne 'Sooz' Lee: We're not doing that, are we?
Alexander 'Alex' Stanton: Well I can tell you... She was more woman than you'll ever be, and more man than you'll ever get.

Suzanne 'Sooz' Lee: Life can't get any better.

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