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Selected lines and quotes from the tv show According to Jim. Check out our great collection of dialogues and quotes from the tv series According to Jim and search our website for thousands of other quotes on various topics from a great variety of authors, movies and tv shows.

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According to Jim quotes

Jim: You don't even know me any more! I think we should have more sex.
Cheryl: Why?
Jim: Why not?

Andy: I once walked in on my grandparents doing it. I mean, Grandpa's in his 70's, but he was really putting Nana through her paces.

Andy: (telling Jim that he's found the bird they didn't want to find) Jim! B-I-R-D A-T S-I-X O-'-C-L-O-C-K!
Jim: (confused)... You want to have sex with a clock?

Jim: "Heroes aren't born...they're cornered." (About looking after Dana while she's pregnant)

Dana: I'm trying my best to stay neutral, like Switzerland
Cheryl: You mean creepy Switzerland that hid na** money?
Dana: No, I mean fun Switzerland with the watches, and the chocolate

Cheryl: (on Jim's behavior) He's brilliant. He's pretending to be a moron to cover up being a jackass.

Mindy: (speaking Japanese) "Shinjuku eki-wa doko des-ka. (meaning "Where is the train station?") Who can guess what that means?"
Dana: "I'd like to kill myself."
Mindy: "Silly - no."
Dana: "No, I'd like to kill myself."

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