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2 Broke Girls quotes

Caroline Channing: If we threw a big enough party, charge hipster's for horse rides, we can pay off your student loan.
Max Black: You would wh*** out Chestnut like that; don't you have to get him hooked on heroin first?
Caroline Channing: I got this; I am a brilliant event planner. My sweet 16 was off the chain. Penthouse parties, finger black theme, Alanis Morissette singed songs from "Jagged Little Pill"
Max Black: On my 16th birthday, my Mom took too many jagged little pills, and I had to drive her to the emergency room to get her stomach pumped.
Caroline Channing: Was your childhood based on the novel "Pushed, by Sapphire"?
Max Black: I Wish!

Earl: You might as well be a night maid in the Schwarzenegger house.
Caroline Channing: What?
Earl: You've been screwed.

Customer: (referring to the waitress who is having sex in the fridge) Where's our other waitress?
Max Black: She's coming.

Han Lee: Hipsters like karaoke.
Max Black: Replace the work 'like' with the word 'Hitler' and you have the 3 worst things in history.

Max Black: (referring to the diner) This place isn't "When Harry Met Sally", it's "When Harry Met Salmonella".

Caroline Channing: Max, since it's just after midnight, it's now officially Valentine's Day! I've got something in here for you; guess what it is?
Max Black: Well, judging from that smile on your face, I'd say it's a finger-sized hole in your apron.

Cheese Guy: This is ridiculous. I wanted Muenster.
Caroline Channing: (Cheerfully) Yeah, well I wanted to be running a Fortune 500 company instead of waiting on a toxic man-child such as yourself, but as you can see, we don't always get what we want, do we? So, order something else from the menu, shove it in your pie hole, (turns snarkey) and get on with your da** life!
Max Black: (after Caroline walks away from the customer, she runs up and all but hugs her) Welcome to "waitress". We've been expecting you.

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