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Gentlemen, you'll be happy to know that I'm starting a new agency, whose sole purpose is the protection of the President. Welcome to the Secret Service, Agents Number One, and Number Two.
Thank you, Mr. President. (pause)
Sir, if you don't mind my asking, which of us is Number One and which is Number Two?
I don't think that really matters, Gordon, do you?
Not if you don't, sir.
Well now isn't this a coincidence? I'm out for a little morning ride and right in the middle of nowhere I bump into General Ulysses S. Grant himself!
Hold on. Avanti! (the bicycle speeds forward)
Why isn't this thing avanti-ing?
We're not getting enough lift! We need more speed! (He turns toward a cliff)
Artie, that's a cliff!
Yes, I know!
That means the ground is gonna end!
Yes, I know!
Gordon... Gordon... GORDON! (the machine goes off the edge of the cliff... and sails into the air)
It works! It works!
If you had to get one right, Artie, I'm sure glad it was this one.
That's it, no more Mr. Knife guy.
(after blasting McGrath) Well, I think that concludes this night's festivities. Ladies, feed him to the crabs. (he turns to face the assembled foreign dignitaries)
Gentlemen, since the beginning of written history a nation's power has been measured by the size of its standing army. Tonight that chapter will be closed. The traditional army, to say nothing of the United States, will become extinct, laid low by a *cripple*-! (splash as McGrath's body hits the water)
-as the general so amusingly implied, and mechanology. But my friends, that tank is just a little hors d'oeuvre compared to what the country's greatest scientists are cooking up for me next. So, if I have piqued your interest, bring one thousand kilograms of your country's gold to Spider Canyon in ten days time. And now if you'll excuse me, I have a tank to catch.
Oh, look. My auxiliary tool kit, I forgot all about it. It must have fallen out of my pocket.
Your pocket? Why wasn't it on some spring-loaded contraption that shoots out your as*?
That's the first place Loveless would have looked.
Why, it's a deep, deep pool. Maybe it's your old swimming hole, General. Are you feeling sleepy?
Yes, I'm sleepy.
Good. Now you're going to be my little doggy, and when I say "speak" you're going to tell me everything I want to know. Understand?
Good boy. Now, which scientist is that in the next room? Is it Dr. Escobar? Speak!
(panting) Woof! Woof!
You can speak words, you stupid mutt.
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