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Theres Something About Mary quotes

Dom: Here you've been in therapy, you know, thinking you blew it with the greatest girl ever, and really it turns out that getting your di** stuck in your zipper was the best thing that ever happened to you.

Pat Healy: Does he bite?
Sully: A little bit. Get in.

Magda: What are you doing?
Magda: But you just slept with me.
Paramedic in 1985: We got a bleeder!

Ted: (voice over) When I was 16 years old, I fell in love.

Ted: Look, I didn't solicit any sex, OK? This is a huge misunderstanding. I was really going out to pee, I was walking to the bushes, I tripped over this guy - and suddenly all those cops and their helicopters...
Detective Stabler: Ted, Ted, it's OK, we believe you. The problem is we found your friend in the car. (Detective Stabler refers to the dead body found in Ted's car, which unbeknown to Ted was left by the hitchhiker. Ted has no idea about the body. He thinks the police is going to charge him with giving a ride to hitchhiker, as the hitchhiker told him it was a felony in that state)
Ted: (smiles) Oh, the hitchhiker? That's what this is about, the hitchhiker? Oh, oh, great. This is my luck - I get caught for everything.
Detective Krevoy: (pats strongly on Ted's shoulder) So... you admit it?
Ted: Ah, yeah, guilty as charged. Look, I know you guys got a job to do, alright? And I'm really sorry. I did it, I admit it. You know, the guy even told me, the hitchhiker told me it was illegal.
Detective Krevoy: Well, uh, can you tell us his name?
Ted: Ah... no, I didn't catch it. Can we cut to the chase, I mean, am I like in a lot of trouble here?
Detective Stabler: (nods) First tell us why you did it.
Ted: Why I did it? Ah... I don't know. Boredom? The guy turned to be a blubber mouth who just would not shut up.
Detective Krevoy: (trying to control himself) Ted, this wasn't your first time, was it?
Ted: No.
Detective Krevoy: How many are we talking here?
Ted: (confused) Hitchhikers? My whole life? Ah... I don't know - twenty-five, fifty... I mean, who keeps track? Hey, you know, I know this is the Bible Belt and everything, but where I come from this is not that big deal, I mean...
Detective Krevoy: You son of a bi***! You're gonna fry! (exploding in rage due to Ted's seemingly indifference to murder, detective Krevoy roars, grabs Ted by his shirt and repeatedly slams his head against the desk. Ted yells in pain)
Detective Stabler: Take it easy! Calm down! (Stabler manages to separate between Krevoy and Ted. Ted falls backward on the floor)
Detective Stabler: (to Krevoy) Are you OK?
Ted: (to Krevoy) What the hell is wrong with you?

Dom: Have you ever had a whitehead on your eyeball, Mary?

Pat Healy: Husband... negative. Children and a Labrador... negative. Tight little package... affirmative.

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