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The Ugly Truth quotes

Colin: (Abby is on a date with Colin. Mike is relaying instructions to her via an earpiece) I'm used to women I can figure out in five seconds, but I can't do that with you.
Mike Chadway: (to Abby via earpiece) He's an idiot. I figured you out in two. Now tell him good night and stick your ti** out, we're going to give this one last shot.

Mike Chadway: (about Colin) I'm going to make this guy your bi***.
Abby Richter: I don't want a bi***.

Abby Richter: (Abby has just closed the door on Colin after Mike told her to keep the conversation under a minute) What now?
Mike: OK, that's good. Now, just let him suffer.
Abby Richter: OK (gestures towards the door)
Abby Richter: . Suffer! Suffer!

Mike Chadway: It's not for you, it's for your bean.

Abby Richter: I love how you think every man is as perverse as you are.
Mike Chadway: Oh, I don't think. I know.

Abby Richter: (gushing about Colin) He's such a great guy, right?
Mike Chadway: (sarcastically) Yeah, he's dreamy.
Abby Richter: Yeah, and he fits all 10 of the criteria on my checklist.
Mike Chadway: Right, though weren't items 1 through 9 something to do with him pretty much being gay?

Mike Chadway: So there you have it. Never assume a girl is easy or assume she's a prude. There are many layers in between, and it's your job, gentlemen, to peel back those layers and figure out exactly what type of woman you're dealing with.
Joy: That sounded almost enlightened.
Mike Chadway: Because once you do peel back those layers, my friends, her lady garden awaits.
Joy: And he's back.

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