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Yea, it is scary. It's terrifying. Especially when I am in love with a psycho like you.
I am not a psycho!
I just told you that I loved you, and all you heard was 'psycho'. The definition of neurotic!
The definition of neurotic is a person who suffers from anxiety, obsessive thoughts, compulsive acts, and physical ailments without any objective evidence of...
Shut up! Yet again, I just told you I am in love with you and you are standing here giving me a vocabulary list.
Tell me about the doozy. You know, the woman who broke your heart.
You are just totally trying to kill my buzz.
No, I'm not. I'm just interested in what makes you you.
Well, for your information, it was more than just one. It was more like a parade. Codependent girls, unfaithful girls, depressed girls, narcissistic girls, phony girls. Girls who, it turned out, didn't actually like me. By the time I hit 30, I realized that you can only have so many lousy relationships before you figure out there's no such thing as a good one.
You can't really believe there's no such thing as a good relationship.
To my very core.
Rule #3, men are very visual. We have to change your look.
What's wrong with my look?
(From red band clip) Abby, you're a very attractive woman, but you're completely inaccessible. You're all about comfort and efficiency!
What's wrong with comfort and efficiency?
Well nothing, except no one wants to fu** it.
Can we go over your intro one more time? "I'm Jack Magnum and this is..."
The Ugly Truth. (imitates shooting a gun with his thumb and forefinger)
Ok, let's maybe lose the gun thing.
What? The gun is my signature move.
Unless the NRA is paying your mortgage this month, I say lose the effing gun!
Now, we have to teach you flirting.
I know how to flirt.
You know how to flirt. "Oh, my name's Abby and I love reading Tolstoy. I also love cats, gardening, and romantic picnics." I don't think so.
(grabs Mike's as*, imitating his voice) Hey baby, you wearing any underwear?
Hey, you know what? I wouldn't say that, and I wouldn't grab as*.
(still imitating him) What's wrong with a little as* grabbing, I mean what's it there for if not for me to grab it? (Mike feigns a groan)
You're just a set of orifices, and a pair of tee-ta's. (she squeezes Mike's as* tightly which makes him jokingly wince in pain)
And you are a deeply, deeply disturbed person.
(normal voice) Hmm, maybe I'm just a really good student. (Runs her hand down his chest and upper body)
Would you stop doing that?
Doing what? (still running her finger up and down his body)
Running your finger down... there... over me.
Why, is it turning you on?
(forces a laugh as if to say "yeah right") Maybe.
(seductively) It's weird, I think I kinda like it.
(leaning in, her face almost touching his) Sucker.
(annoyed) I knew it. Okay, no teaching the teacher.
(to Abby, on how to attract Colin) You have to be two people. The saint and the sinner. The librarian and the stripper.
(sarcasticly) Oh, I know, I've got a great idea! Why don't we pass the time with you telling me how much *fun* you and Colin had having sex in Los Angeles?
I broke up with Colin in Los Angeles, you jackass!
Oh, oh yeah, that's got your interest. Well if you think we're going to finish what we started in L. A. you are out of your mind. You lost your chance.
Oh, c'mon, I never had a chance with you.
You're right. I had a momentary lapse in judgement when I thought you were more than you are, but you aren't. Clearly.
Oh, yeah? Well what does that mean?
(mockingly) I'm Mike Chadway. I like girls in Jello. I like to fu** like a monkey. Don't fall in love. It's scary.
Yeah, it is scary. It's terrifying. Especially when I'm in love with a psycho like you.
I am not a psycho!
I just told you that I loved you and all you heard was "psycho." Well you're the definition of neurotic.
No! The definition of neurotic is a person who suffers from anxiety, obessive thoughts, compulsive acts, and, and physical ailments without any objective evidence of...
Shut up! Yet again I just told you I'm in love with you and you're standing here giving me a vocabulary lesson.
You're in love with me. Why?
Beats the sh** out of me, but I am. (she leans over and kisses him)
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