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The Ugly Truth quotes

Mike Chadway: Yea, it is scary. It's terrifying. Especially when I am in love with a psycho like you.
Abby Richter: I am not a psycho!
Mike Chadway: I just told you that I loved you, and all you heard was 'psycho'. The definition of neurotic!
Abby Richter: The definition of neurotic is a person who suffers from anxiety, obsessive thoughts, compulsive acts, and physical ailments without any objective evidence of...
Mike Chadway: Shut up! Yet again, I just told you I am in love with you and you are standing here giving me a vocabulary list.

Abby Richter: Tell me about the doozy. You know, the woman who broke your heart.
Mike Chadway: You are just totally trying to kill my buzz.
Abby Richter: No, I'm not. I'm just interested in what makes you you.
Mike Chadway: Well, for your information, it was more than just one. It was more like a parade. Codependent girls, unfaithful girls, depressed girls, narcissistic girls, phony girls. Girls who, it turned out, didn't actually like me. By the time I hit 30, I realized that you can only have so many lousy relationships before you figure out there's no such thing as a good one.
Abby Richter: You can't really believe there's no such thing as a good relationship.
Mike Chadway: To my very core.

Mike Chadway: Rule #3, men are very visual. We have to change your look.
Abby Richter: What's wrong with my look?
Mike Chadway: (From red band clip) Abby, you're a very attractive woman, but you're completely inaccessible. You're all about comfort and efficiency!
Abby Richter: What's wrong with comfort and efficiency?
Mike Chadway: Well nothing, except no one wants to fu** it.

Abby Richter: Can we go over your intro one more time? "I'm Jack Magnum and this is..."
Jack Magnum: The Ugly Truth. (imitates shooting a gun with his thumb and forefinger)
Abby Richter: Ok, let's maybe lose the gun thing.
Jack Magnum: What? The gun is my signature move.
Abby Richter: Unless the NRA is paying your mortgage this month, I say lose the effing gun!

Mike Chadway: Now, we have to teach you flirting.
Abby Richter: I know how to flirt.
Mike Chadway: You know how to flirt. "Oh, my name's Abby and I love reading Tolstoy. I also love cats, gardening, and romantic picnics." I don't think so.
Abby Richter: (grabs Mike's as*, imitating his voice) Hey baby, you wearing any underwear?
Mike Chadway: Hey, you know what? I wouldn't say that, and I wouldn't grab as*.
Abby Richter: (still imitating him) What's wrong with a little as* grabbing, I mean what's it there for if not for me to grab it? (Mike feigns a groan)
Abby Richter: You're just a set of orifices, and a pair of tee-ta's. (she squeezes Mike's as* tightly which makes him jokingly wince in pain)
Mike Chadway: And you are a deeply, deeply disturbed person.
Abby Richter: (normal voice) Hmm, maybe I'm just a really good student. (Runs her hand down his chest and upper body)
Mike Chadway: Would you stop doing that?
Abby Richter: Doing what? (still running her finger up and down his body)
Mike Chadway: Running your finger down... there... over me.
Abby Richter: Why, is it turning you on?
Mike Chadway: (forces a laugh as if to say "yeah right") Maybe.
Abby Richter: (seductively) It's weird, I think I kinda like it.
Mike Chadway: Really?
Abby Richter: (leaning in, her face almost touching his) Sucker.
Mike Chadway: (annoyed) I knew it. Okay, no teaching the teacher.

Mike Chadway: (to Abby, on how to attract Colin) You have to be two people. The saint and the sinner. The librarian and the stripper.

Mike Chadway: (sarcasticly) Oh, I know, I've got a great idea! Why don't we pass the time with you telling me how much *fun* you and Colin had having sex in Los Angeles?
Abby Richter: I broke up with Colin in Los Angeles, you jackass!
Mike Chadway: What?
Abby Richter: Oh, oh yeah, that's got your interest. Well if you think we're going to finish what we started in L. A. you are out of your mind. You lost your chance.
Mike Chadway: Oh, c'mon, I never had a chance with you.
Abby Richter: You're right. I had a momentary lapse in judgement when I thought you were more than you are, but you aren't. Clearly.
Mike Chadway: Oh, yeah? Well what does that mean?
Abby Richter: (mockingly) I'm Mike Chadway. I like girls in Jello. I like to fu** like a monkey. Don't fall in love. It's scary.
Mike Chadway: Yeah, it is scary. It's terrifying. Especially when I'm in love with a psycho like you.
Abby Richter: I am not a psycho!
Mike Chadway: I just told you that I loved you and all you heard was "psycho." Well you're the definition of neurotic.
Abby Richter: No! The definition of neurotic is a person who suffers from anxiety, obessive thoughts, compulsive acts, and, and physical ailments without any objective evidence of...
Mike Chadway: Shut up! Yet again I just told you I'm in love with you and you're standing here giving me a vocabulary lesson.
Abby Richter: You're in love with me. Why?
Mike Chadway: Beats the sh** out of me, but I am. (she leans over and kisses him)

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