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The Paper quotes

Henry: What's the matter with Phil? It looks like he sat on something sharp.
Janet, Henry's Secretary: Well, you told him he could have Richard's old desk, right?
Henry: Right.
Janet, Henry's Secretary: And now you promised it to Carmen. Are you completely psychotic?
Henry: I have episodes. Nothing serious.
Janet, Henry's Secretary: Phil is still pi**** you wouldn't approve his $600 orthopaedic chair. And now with this desk thing, he's convinced it's a conspiracy to prevent him from sitting down.

Martha: Why don't you just pour battery acid down your throat?
Henry: No caffeine.

Henry: Don't take the bat out of my hand. It's the ninth inning.

Bernie: I hate columnists! Why do I have all these columnists? I got political columnists, guest columnists... celebrity columnists - The only thing I don't have is a dead columnist. That's the kind I could really use.
Henry: Right. Listen...
Bernie: We reek of opinions. What every columnist at this paper needs to do is to shut the fu** up.

Alicia: People take the Sun with a grain of salt. We'll run yours tomorrow.
Henry: No! Not tomorrow! Right fu***** now today!

Carmen: You wanna cover Brooklyn, then cover Brooklyn! But let me tell you something, it's a little tough to do from a barstool in Manhattan.

Alicia: There's something I'd like to discuss. I didn't want to bother you upstairs. I feel an obligation to... act on this directly with you because I think we have a good - I think we have a good relationship... and I'd like to take it further. And I think the way to do that is face to face. You know, you and I, face to face.
Graham Keighley: Alicia.
Alicia: Yeah?
Graham Keighley: I'm gay.
Alicia: Oh, umm... well, I mean, I wasn't - I mean, that's fine.
Graham Keighley: Alicia?
Alicia: Yeah?
Graham Keighley: I'm kidding.

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