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The 40 Year Old Virgin quotes

Nicky: You have really kind eyes, you know that?
Andy Stitzer: Thanks. Umm... your hat has sequins.

Cal: The problem most men have is they don't know how to talk to women.
Andy Stitzer: You know what my problem is? I am not interesting. What am I supposed to say? I went to magic camp? That I'm an accomplished ventriloquist? Oh, I *am* the Seventh Degree Imperial Yo-Yo Master. "Ooh, do me, Yo-Yo Master, I want you to do me cause you're the yo-yo guy!"

Jay: Wassup, dawg, what happened? How was the date with Trish?
Andy Stitzer: Oh, it was a disaster.
Cal: Really?
Andy Stitzer: Yes, I've never been more embarrassed in my life. I couldn't get the condoms to work, and one of them exploded on my ba***. And then, her kid walked in the room...
Jay: Woah. Wait. Hold up. She was hiding the kid from you, dawg?
Andy Stitzer: You know what? It doesn't matter. Because it was goin' downhill straight from there.
Jay: Listen, you don't want no baby daddy drama. Trust me on this one, aight? For all you know, he in prison right now. Let's say y'all livin' together. Next thing you know, you the one gone on the first and the fifteenth, huh, to pick up the government check? What if he got boys that's on the outside? And they stalkin' you? See what I'm sayin? You gotta think, patna!
Andy Stitzer: What the fu** are you talking about?

Andy Stitzer: (pretending to talk to Trish) Really? All your girlfriends wanted to have sex with virgins, too? That's funny... I didn't even know you girls talked like that. I think my first time might be your best time, too. Well, I knew it. You know what? I knew that you'd react that way and I knew that you would want to lead me through my first sexual encounter will all the compassion and care that someone would give to their soulmate. (cringes)
Andy Stitzer: Oh my God, I'm in trouble.

Andy Stitzer: (while getting his chest waxed) Ooh! Como se llama!

Andy Stitzer: (about Beth) That woman scares the sh** out of me!

Jay: (to Mooj) Why you always telling me to go fu** a goat?

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