Lines and quotes from the movie Ted. Check out our collection of dialogues and quotes from the film Ted and search our website for thousands of other quotes on various topics from a great variety of authors, movies and tv shows.

Quotes by Author: A · B · C · D · E · F · G · H · I · J · K · L · M · N · O · P · Q · R · S · T · U · V · W · X · Y · Z

Movies by Year: 2015 · 2014 · 2013 · 2012 · 2011 · 2010 · 2009 · 2008 · 2007 · 2006 · 2005 · 2004 · 2003 · 2002 · MORE..

Ted quotes

Tom Skerritt: My daughter better still be alive you sick son of a bi***.

Ted: There. Proof. Garfield's eye look like a pair of ti**.

Lori: (after Tami-Lynn leave after an argument with Lori) What a cu**.
John: (covers his ears) No, I hate that word!

Donny: You're mine now, Ted.
Ted: Screw you, pal. I belong to John Bennett.
Donny: I can give you love and rocking horses and dancing.
Ted: I think we're very far apart on this.

Ted: Hey Lori, can you turn the alarm to 11 AM? I've got a lot of stuff to do tomorrow.

Rex: This is Wade Boggs' autographed bat. I just barely outbid Phil Donahue for that at an auction.
John: Wow, cool.
Rex: Yeah, cool. (Pointing at boxing gloves on display)
Rex: These boxing gloves worn by Joe Louis in his first fight. (Stops and points at abstract painting)
Rex: This is art. Get it? (John shrugs)
Rex: (Pointing at glasses on display) These were John Lennon's glasses. They're worth like a million dollars. (pointing at a photo frame)
Rex: That's me and Tom Skerritt. Oh, check this out. (They stop in front of a display)
Rex: This is Lance Armstrong's nut. I had it freeze-dried and bronzed. Every now and then, when life's getting me down and things are tough, I just come up here... and look at that. It reminds me that... things aren't so bad.
John: Sometimes you feel like a nut.
Rex: (Looks at John) Sometimes you don't. (They both walk to the bar)
Rex: So, talk to me, Jonny Quest, how are things with you and Lori?
John: You know, things are great, actually.
Rex: Oh that's great. That is great.
John: You know, uh, Lori would hate me for saying this, but, she told me how you are at the office. And as one gentleman to another, I just wanna say I really hope you fu***** get Lou Gehrig's disease.
Rex: (Giggles) Well, uh, let me, uh, let me get to clear the air a little. I mean, yeah, I'm kind of a fun time boss and whatnot. But look, man, I do that with everyone at the office. I'm a kook. I have no desires on your girlfriend. We work together, and that's it. You know, I think you're a great guy, and she's a very lucky girl.
John: Well that's good to hear.
Rex: Yeah.

Ted: (to fat kid) Back off, Susan Boyle!

Previous   1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9   Next