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Soapdish quotes

Betsy Faye Sharon: She came in yesterday. I don't know who the hell she is. Her name is Naven, Maven, Slaven... Claven... there's no agent.
David Barnes: Find her.
Betsy Faye Sharon: Well, what if she can't act?
Burton White: That never stopped us before! (Barnes snaps his fingers)
Betsy Faye Sharon: What?
David Barnes: (snap, snap, snap, snap, snap) We make her mute!
Burton White: What?
David Barnes: If she doesn't speak, we don't have to pay her as much. A homeless deaf-mute: what could be more pathetic? God, I'm good.

Ariel Maloney: Why, Bolt! I didn't realize you were here.
Bolt: Well... I am.

Montana Moorehead: (about Lori Craven) She has more lines than I do and she's a GOD da** MUTE!

Rose Schwartz: Actors don't like to play coma. They feel it limits their range.

Jeffrey Anderson: Of course I can kiss her!
Lori Craven: This is ridiculous! I can kiss who I want!
Celeste Talbert: No! You can't! You can't kiss her!
Jeffrey Anderson: Why because she's *your* neice?
Celeste Talbert: (shouts) No, you nitwit! Because she's my daughter! And your daughter.
Lori Craven: What?
Jeffrey Anderson: What are you talking about?
Celeste Talbert: We're her parents! *You* and I! (sobbing)
Celeste Talbert: We're her Mommy and her Daddy.

Rose Schwartz: The guy was killed in an auto accident! I looked it up! He was driving in the Yukon, in a pink convertible, to visit his brother who's an ex-con named Frances, when a tractor trailer comes along and decapitates him. You know what that mean, it means he doesn't have a head. How am I suppose to write for a guy who doesn't have a head? He's got no lips, no vocal cords. What do you want me to do?

Jeffrey Anderson: Of course I'm an egomaniac! I have America's Sweetheart climbing up my drainpipe!

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