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Lines and quotes from the movie Punchline. Check out our collection of dialogues and quotes from the film Punchline and search our website for thousands of other quotes on various topics from a great variety of authors, movies and tv shows.

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Punchline quotes

John: $500! What the hell did you buy for 500 dollars?
Lilah: Jokes.

Madeline Urie: Is - is this a joke?

Lilah Krytsick: Hello, my name is Lilah Krytsick, and on our wedding night, my husband gave me something very long and hard... a new name. (audience bursts into laughter)

Steven: We are all Gods animated cartoons.

Steven Gold: I've been coming down here for 18 months. 18 months! And I have not missed a night. I take the money that my father sends me and I pay for a shrink, and I buy groceries. Now I owe my shrink, and I'm behind in my rent. My roommate's a ba***** - he's changed the locks in in my front door - I can't get in! He won't give me a key until I pay him. You wanna play games? I can play games! I can play games. I can play ventriloquist with my underwear. I can play darts while maintaining an erection. I can gargle dishwater and fart O Canada at the same time! I can play piano without being popular. I once had this dream - I was dancing on the streetcorner with a jackhammer up my as* - now that was either a sex dream or I need more fiber in my diet. If any of this is turning you on, just let me know.

Steven: What do you need it for?

Steven: Don't be scared, 'cuz I'm Funny Steve... with a lampshade on his head. Singing and dancing, for your entertainment, his own rendition of "Singin' in the Rain"!

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