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(lights went out unexpectedly and have just been turned on. Gil thinks he has a flashlight but is holding a di***) What's this? (laughs and leaves the room)
Mommy, what was that?
That was an electric ear cleaner.
It was kind of big.
It sure was!
You know, when you were two years old, we thought you had polio. Did you know that?
Yeah, Mom said... something about it a couple of years ago.
Yeah, well, for a week we didn't know. I hated you for that. (Gil looks surprised and hurt)
I did. I hated having to care, having to go through the pain, the hurt, the suffering. It's not for me.
(as her husband surprises her by serenading her in the middle of her lesson) Nathan, we're trying so hard to keep these kids off drugs.
I can't believe I trusted him...
Well, what did you expect from a kid like that?
Oh, Mom, back off. The last guy you dated stole our furniture.
(after inspecting Susan's diaphragm and finding a hole) Well?
Why are you pouring water through my diaphragm?
To check. To see if it's OK. You didn't know I did that, did you?
Obviously not or you wouldn't have tried this.
Are you accusing me of making that hole?
No, a woodpecker came in here, went into the bathroom, opened the drawer with his little wing and pecked a couple of holes in your diaphragm!
I wouldn't live with you if the world were flooded with pi** and you lived in a tree!
What is it with all the women in this family, that makes all the men in this family wanna leave?
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