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National Lampoons Van Wilder quotes

McDoogle: This is some pad Wilder... Decorated in early fu**!

Richard: Oh, Gwen! Your la*** feels so good around my swollen phallus! Oh! Oh! Oh, I'm fairly confident I'm going to ej*******. I'm releasing some of my seminal fluids inside of you now! (grunts and giggles)
Gwen: Are you okay?
Richard: Yeah. Why? Well, didn't you?
Gwen: Well, it's kind of hard in 15 seconds.
Richard: da** it, Gwen! You know the kind of pressure I'm under with my exams.
Gwen: I'm sorry.
Richard: Look, I'm sorry. This semester's marks could determine in the next 10 years of our lives together. Do you realize that?
Gwen: You know... you shouldn't take life too seriously. You'll never get out alive.
Richard: (laughs) What the hell is that supposed to mean? I'm late for my study group.

Van Wilder: Crazy kids with their crazy VDs.

Van Wilder: Hey look. I read the da** article all right. But don't tell anyone because if word gets out that I read my reputation shot to hell.

Van Wilder: I know Ms. Pac-Man is special. She's fun. She's cute. She swallows.

Campus Cop: We've got a jumper!

Taj: (Jumps up) WHERE DID YOU FIND THAT?
Hutch: In your room a few days ago. I'm trying to spark this bong, but the da** thing won't light.
Taj: That's no bong... It's for my shlong. (Hutch starts coughing and gagging)
Hutch: Hold up, I just put my mouth on your co**-pump? (Taj nods his head)
Hutch: Oh da**!

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