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My Cousin Vinny quotes

Bill: You have to see the Gambinis in action. I mean, these people, they love to argue. I mean, they live to argue.
Stan: My parents argue too, it doesn't make them good lawyers.
Bill: Stan, I've seen your parents argue. Trust me, they're amateurs.

D.A. Jim Trotter: Ms. Vito, what is your current profession?
Lisa: I'm an out-of-work hairdresser.
D.A. Jim Trotter: An out-of-work hairdresser. In what way does that qualify you as an expert in automobiles?
Lisa: It doesn't.

Lisa: (In the diner after being woken at 5 AM and staring at the menu where the options are simply 'breakfast', 'lunch', and 'dinner') Breakfast?
Vinny Gambini: You think? Uh, good choice. Two.

Vinny Gambini: Is it possible the two defendants entered the store, picked 22 specific items off of the shelves, had the clerk take money, make change, then leave. Then two different men drive up in a similar - (Seeing Mr. Tipton shake his head no)
Vinny Gambini: Don't shake your head, I'm not done yet. Wait till you hear the whole thing, so you can understand this, now. Two different men drive up in a similar-looking car, go in, shoot the clerk, rob him, and then leave?
Mr. Tipton: No. They didn't have enough time.
Vinny Gambini: Well, how much time was they in the store?
Mr. Tipton: Five minutes.
Vinny Gambini: Five minutes? Are you sure? Did you look at your watch?
Mr. Tipton: No.
Vinny Gambini: Oh, oh, oh, I'm sorry. You testified earlier that the boys went into the store, and you had just begun to make breakfast. You were just ready to eat, and you heard a gunshot. That's right, I'm sorry. So, obviously, it takes you five minutes to make breakfast.
Mr. Tipton: That's right.
Vinny Gambini: Right, so you knew that. Uh, do you remember what you had?
Mr. Tipton: Eggs and grits.
Vinny Gambini: Eggs and grits. I like grits, too. How do you cook your grits? Do you like them regular, creamy or al dente?
Mr. Tipton: Just regular, I guess.
Vinny Gambini: Regular. Instant grits?
Mr. Tipton: No self-respectin' Southerner uses instant grits. I take pride in my grits.
Vinny Gambini: So, Mr. Tipton, how could it take you five minutes to cook your grits, when it takes the entire grit-eating world twenty minutes?
Mr. Tipton: (a bit panicky) I don't know. I'm a fast cook, I guess.
Vinny Gambini: I'm sorry, I was all the way over here. I couldn't hear you. Did you say you were a fast cook? That's it? (Mr. Tipton nods in embarrassment)
Vinny Gambini: Are we to believe that boiling water soaks into a grit faster in your kitchen than on any place on the face of the earth?
Mr. Tipton: I don't know.
Vinny Gambini: Well, perhaps the laws of physics cease to exist on your stove. Were these magic grits? I mean, did you buy them from the same guy who sold Jack his beanstalk beans?

Vinny Gambini: (Trotter asks Vinny how he became a lawyer) Well, I got a bullshit traffic ticket. I went to court, I got the cop on the stand, and I argued with him until he admitted he was wrong. And the judge, this Judge Malloy. All the while he's laughing and smiling. And then afterwards, he asks me to go to lunch with him. Then he says to me, "you know what? You'd be a good litigator." I didn't know what the hell he was talking about, I don't know what a litigator is. I never thought of becoming a lawyer. But this Judge Malloy, who's from Brooklyn, too? He did it, so all of a sudden, it seemed possible. So I went to law school.

Vinny Gambini: I object to this witness being called at this time. We've been given no prior notice he'd testify. No discovery of any tests he's conducted or reports he's prepared. And as the court is aware, the defense is entitled to advance notice of any witness who will testify, particularly to those who will give scientific evidence, so that we can properly prepare for cross-examination, as well as to give the defense an opportunity to have the witness's reports reviewed by a defense expert, who might then be in a position to contradict the veracity of his conclusions. (there is a short pause as Judge Haller appears caught off-guard by Vinny's sudden compentence with knowledge of the law)
Judge Chamberlain Haller: Mr. Gambini?
Vinny Gambini: Yes, sir?
Judge Chamberlain Haller: That is a lucid, intelligent, well thought-out objection.
Vinny Gambini: Thank you, Your Honor.
Judge Chamberlain Haller: (firm tone) Overruled.

Vinny Gambini: I won my first case, you know what this means...
Mona Lisa Vito: Yeah, you think I'm gonna marry you.
Vinny Gambini: What, now you're not gonna marry me?
Mona Lisa Vito: No way. You can't even win a case by yourself, you're fu****' useless.

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