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Mortdecai quotes

Mortdecai: Your mother and father only met once. And money changed hands.
Dmitri: (punches him)
Mortdecai: Probably less than a 20. And they say she was dressed as a man at the time.

Mortdecai: As you may well know, I am many things. An arts dealer, an accomplished fencer, fair shot with most weapons. I am loved and respected by all who know me - slightly. But I have always felt as if there's something missing, you see. Some final piece of my personal puzzle. I needed something bold, distinctive. (his cocktail arrives)
Mortdecai: Ah, thank you. The work of art with which I could declare to the heavens, I am Lord Charlie Mortdecai. And this is a little bit of magic is my mustache...

Mortdecai: ...kissing a man without a mustache is like eating an egg without salt.
Johanna: Uhh, don't point that thing at me.
Jock: Told ya!

Maurice: (to Martland) Of all sad words of tongue or pen the saddest are these "It might have been".

Martland: Can you think of a good reason why I shouldn't arrest you right now?
Mortdecai: I eschew discomfort?

Martland: (to Mortdecai) What is that infernal thing on your lip?

Mortdecai: I had no idea I was so deep in Her Majesty's hole!

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