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Meet the Fockers quotes

Flight Attendant: Sir, we have a policy on this airline that if a bag is this large we take...
Greg Focker: okay you know what, take you scrubby little paws *off* my bag, okay? It's not like I have a bomb in here. It's not like I wanna blow up the plane. I just want to store my bag according to your safety regulations.
Flight Attendant: Sir, sir!
Greg Focker: Hey, hey, If you would take a second, take the little sticks out of your head, clean out your ears, and maybe you would see that I'm a person who has feelings, and all I have to do is do what I wanna do and all I want to do is hold on to my bag and not listen to you! And the only way that I would ever let go of my bag would be if you came over here right now and tried to pry it from my dead, lifeless fingers, okay? If you can get it from my kung-fu grip then you can come and have it, okay? Otherwise, step off, bi***.

Jack Byrnes: Did you flush this toilet?
Greg Focker: Maybe... You know what, maybe Jinx flushed it. I saw little Jinxy in there last night and he took a squatted... relieved himself.
Jack Byrnes: Jinx knows not to use that toilet and even if he did, he'd never flush it.
Greg Focker: What does it matter?
Jack Byrnes: The matter, Greg RN, is that when this toilet is flushed, it runs, and when you have a septic tank that's nearly full and a toilet that's been running all night, then you could have a hell of a problem.

Jack Byrnes: Greg's in medicine too.
Bob Banks: What field?
Greg Focker: Nursing.
Bob Banks: Ha ha ha ha. No, really, what field are you in?
Greg Focker: Nursing.

Jack Byrnes: Greg, nobody's expecting much out of you so if I set you up with the ball, you think you could jump up and spike it?
Greg Focker: Yeah. I'd have to be pretty high, but yeah.
Jack Byrnes: I bet you would, Panama Red.

Greg Focker: I love your daughter, Jack. I love her more than anything. But frankly sir, I'm a little terrified of being your son-in-law. This whole weekend has given me a lot of doubts about whether or not I could even survive in your family. I think you've got some serious issues.
Jack Byrnes: If I lighten up, would you consider marrying my daughter?
Greg Focker: Would you lighten up *a lot*?
Jack Byrnes: (unsure) Yeah.
Greg Focker: Yes or no?
Jack Byrnes: Yes.
Greg Focker: Would you let me and Pam live our lives and not interfere all the time?
Jack Byrnes: I promise not to interfere in your lives *all* the time.
Greg Focker: Will you stop making fun of me for being a nurse?
Jack Byrnes: Could you at least try, maybe, to consider another profession?
Greg Focker: Jack, yes or no?
Jack Byrnes: Ever?
Greg Focker: No!
Jack Byrnes: Okay, yes.
Greg Focker: Would you let me and Pam sleep in the same room?
Jack Byrnes: Don't push it, Focker! You're in a real mess.

Greg Focker: Oh, oh check my pulse on this one, Jack. Do I think you're a psycho? Yes.

Jack Byrnes: Greg's a male nurse.
Greg Focker: Yes. Thank you, Jack.
Kevin: Wow, that's great. I'd love to find time to do some volunteer work. Just the other day I saw a golden retriever, he had like a gimp, ya know I just wish I could have done something.
Greg Focker: Yeah, well I get paid too so it's sort of an everyone wins thing.

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