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Jarhead quotes

Lieutenant Colonel Kazinski: Good afternoon Marines!
Lieutenant Colonel Kazinski: Jesus Did you just land in a War Zone or a funeral parlor? Good afternoon Marines!
Lieutenant Colonel Kazinski: OOOO! I just felt my di** move! (All marines are laughing)
Lieutenant Colonel Kazinski: For those of you that don't know me, I am Lieutenant Colonel Kazinski, your battalion commander. We are now part of Operation Desert Shield, now just north of us, Saddam Hussein has got one million Iraqi soldiers, now some of those boys have been fighting since you were nine or ten years old, they are tough, they will stop at nothing, they've used nerve gas against the Iranians and the Kurds, here's a picture. (All marines are looking stunned and angered at the picture of a boy hit with nerve gas)
Lieutenant Colonel Kazinski: Now I know what you're thinkin', you're thinkin' "let's kick as*, and take names! And in this sh**, the day before yesterday!"
Lieutenant Colonel Kazinski: But the bureaucrats have a lot of jaw bonin' to do, so for now these Iraqis who have raped and pillaged poor little Kuwait, are not yet in our gunsights, now our current mission is to protect the oil fields of our good friends in the kingdom of Saud until further notice, and gentlemen, I'm talkin alot of oil, a LOT of oil, so you will hydrate, you will train, you will adjust to this desert, and you'll hydrate some more, and you will be ready, you will maintain a constant state of suspicious alertness, and one day soon, Saddam Hussein is gonna regret pullin' this sorry sh**! (points to picture of boy)
Fowler: We're gonna kick some Iraqi as*!
Lieutenant Colonel Kazinski: Hahaha! What did you say?
Fowler: We're gonna kick some Iraqi as*, sir!
Lieutenant Colonel Kazinski: Oh, hell son, you're gonna win the Medal of Honor all by your self, what's the rest of my battalion gonna do?
Lieutenant Colonel Kazinski: You know what? I think it's time for me to retire, I can't hear a fu****' THING!
Lieutenant Colonel Kazinski: Aw boys, I just got a hard on!

Fowler: (referring to his weapon) You guys should see what the 40 does to the head of a fu***** camel!
Troy: What does the 40 do to the head of a camel, Fowler?
Fowler: It turns the head inside out in about three fu***** knots.

D.I. Fitch: (to a whole squad of Marines) You are no longer black, or brown, or yellow, or red! You are now green! You are light green! Or dark green! Do you understand?
D.I. Fitch: Swofford!
Anthony 'Swoff' Swofford: Sir, yes, sir!
D.I. Fitch: You the maggot whose father served in Vietnam?
Anthony 'Swoff' Swofford: Sir, yes, sir!
D.I. Fitch: Outstanding! Did he have the ba*** to die there?
Anthony 'Swoff' Swofford: Sir, no, sir!
D.I. Fitch: Too f**king bad! He ever talk about it?
Anthony 'Swoff' Swofford: Sir, only once, sir!
D.I. Fitch: Good! Then he wasn't lying!

Anthony 'Swoff' Swofford: What's up, buddy? Merry Christmas.
Corporal Harrigan: Yeah.
Anthony 'Swoff' Swofford: I hear you got some good sh**.
Corporal Harrigan: Fly, rumor, on winged feet. Here... read this.
Anthony 'Swoff' Swofford: What is it?
Corporal Harrigan: It's a love letter for the Major. I write all of his letters.
Anthony 'Swoff' Swofford: "Dear sweet Gloria, I wish I was up in you now with a finger in your as*. Love you, Captain Skinboat."
Corporal Harrigan: I studied classics at Dartmouth.
Anthony 'Swoff' Swofford: It's a good school.
Corporal Harrigan: Forty bucks, five gallons.

Bored Gunny: (to Anthony Swofford) I'm gonna put you in Golf Company... it's full of retards and fu**-ups. Maybe you can elevate them sons of bi***** a little... or maybe not. Next!

Anthony 'Swoff' Swofford: My combat action has commenced.

D.I. Fitch: What the fu** are you even doing here?
Anthony 'Swoff' Swofford: Sir, I got lost on the way to college, sir.

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