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Lines and quotes from the movie Heartburn. Check out our collection of dialogues and quotes from the film Heartburn and search our website for thousands of other quotes on various topics from a great variety of authors, movies and tv shows.

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Heartburn quotes

Mark Forman: It's just that there's no door to the kitchen.
Contractor Laszlo: The back door.
Mark Forman: The back door. Yes. It's true. You can get into the kitchen... through the back door. This, we know is a kitchen. But you can't get inside the house from the kitchen! Now, how the fu** did this happen?
Rachel Samstat: Mark. For God's sake. Laszlo, we thought that you could put a door here.
Contractor Laszlo: She's a piece of cake. He's a piece of cake.
Rachel Samstat: It's a piece of cake.
Contractor Laszlo: You are Hungarian?
Rachel Samstat: No. You are Hungarian.
Contractor Laszlo: Yes.
Rachel Samstat: Yes. Hungarians have no pronouns.
Mark Forman: Apparently they don't have fu***** doors, either.
Contractor Laszlo: She is very angry at me.
Rachel Samstat: He is very angry at you. Yes.

Mark Forman: He has an unlisted address.
Rachel Samstat: What are you talking about?
Mark Forman: Oh, well, it's the latest thing.
Rachel Samstat: What kind of person has an unlisted address?
Mark Forman: I'll tell you what kind person. The kind that doesn't want to be dead. The kind people are trying to kill all the time.
Rachel Samstat: Why are you angry at me for?
Mark Forman: I'm not angry at you.
Rachel Samstat: Then what you shouting at me for?
Mark Forman: Because you're the only one that's here.

Mark Forman: (taking a very pregnant Rachel to the hospital) Just keep breathing, you can do it.
Rachel Samstat: (panting) I don't want to do it, honey. Can't we get somebody else to do it?

Mark Forman: When we're married, I want this once a week.
Rachel Samstat: I'm never getting married again. I don't believe in marriage.
Mark Forman: Neither do I.

Mark Forman: What the fu** was that?
Rachel Samstat: He has cancer.
Mark Forman: Bullshit.
Rachel Samstat: Mark.
Mark Forman: It's bullshit!
Rachel Samstat: People don't lie about things like that.
Mark Forman: Contractors lie about everything. What'd he say, "I have cancer"?
Rachel Samstat: Exactly.
Mark Forman: Well, he probable meant that "he" has cancer.
Rachel Samstat: Who?
Mark Forman: How do I know? Someone. I don't know. His father.
Rachel Samstat: His father's dead.

Mark Forman: My wife's name was Kimberley. One of the first Kimberleys.
Rachel Samstat: My husband had hamsters.
Mark Forman: Me too.
Rachel Samstat: Not as a grownup you didn't. He had hamsters named Arnold and Shirley. And he was always whipping up little salads for them in the Slice-O-Matic and buying them extremely small sweaters at a pet boutique in Rego Park. Also, there was a certain amount of talking in squeaky voices.
Mark Forman: Both of you?
Rachel Samstat: Well, he was Arnold... and I was Shirley.