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I was just showing Simon around the house.
You have a very nice house, Mrs. Jones.
Thank you, Simon. You can call me Marilyn.
You too, Mr. Jones.
Thank you, Simon. You can call me Mr. Jones. (Marilyn gives him a dirty look)
Hi. Reservation for Percy Jones.
And that's Jones with a "J"?
No, Jones with a "P". I made the reservation last week.
You knew you were gonna kick me out a week ago?
Son, I knew I was gonna kick you out 24 years ago... when the doctor announced it was a girl.
Here you are.
We gave your room away.
Check in was at 4:00.
It's Thursday night. I'm quite sure you've got another room available.
I'm sorry. We're completely booked, and so is everyone else. There's a Shriners convention in town, actually. May help you with anything else Mr. Pjones?
(after telling black joke and family laughing) What are three things a black guy can't get? A black eye, a fat lip and a job. (laughing stops)
I tell ya I'm gonna kick that boy's as*!
(to Theresa) I wanna see your sexy body go BUMP, BUMP, BUMP!
Did he just say bump, bump, bump?
Yes, he did, and it's Percy Jones' fault!
(on the phone, leaving a message) Babe, you're acting like I have cheated on you, and I have never cheated on you. Except for that one time, with myself, and you caught me.
Why can't black people listen to country music?
Because every time they say "hoe-down" they think their sister got shot!
You know, if Theresa had told me you guys were black it really could have saved us an awkward situation.
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