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You know what I discovered? It's not who you want to spend Friday night with, it's who you want to spend all day Saturday with. Feel me, Felix?
Yeah, but then it's every Saturday for the rest of your life...
It's OK, you don't get it. It's no big deal. But you will. One day you'll meet someone and it'll literally take your breath away. Like you can't breathe. Like no oxygen to the lungs. Like a fish...
Yeah, I... I get it, Tommy.
Yeah, you don't.
I'm supposed to meet up with Jamie.
Who's that? That headhunter?
What, you guys going out now?
No, no, no, we're just friends. We're... messing around a little bit.
What do you mean?
Sleeping together. But it's just sex.
That never works, bro. She's a girl. Sex always means more to them even if they don't admit it.
Does she have a pe*** where most girls have a va****?
Then she's no different.
Everybody, this is Dylan. He's from L.A. (Everybody boos him)
He's the reason I can afford all this beer! (Everybody cheers him)
So, it's always just about sex, then?
No... I've been in love. I went down that rabbit hole.
What do you know about women, anyway?
Dude, I've turned down more tail than you'll ever have.
Yeah, bro - you're gay!
But the offers keep rolling in, naturally. Look at me! And hey, I love women. They're beautiful, majestic, mysterious, mesmerizing creatures. Smart, empathetic, far superior to men in every way. And if I had a choice, I would be with women to my dying day. But me likes co**, so I'm strickily-dickily.
Bananas in the refrigerator? What are you, Puerto Rican?
Maybe you should care a little bit less about work and a little bit more about the girl you're dating because last time I checked work doesn't reassure you that liking a finger up your as* doesn't make you gay.
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