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Evan Almighty quotes

God: Let me ask you something. If someone prays for patience, you think God gives them patience? Or does he give them the opportunity to be patient? If he prayed for courage, does God give him courage, or does he give him opportunities to be courageous? If someone prayed for the family to be closer, do you think God zaps them with warm fuzzy feelings, or does he give them opportunities to love each other?

Joan Baxter: Is that a lama... with a hammer?

Evan Baxter: I am successful, I am powerful, I am handsome, and I am happy. Sucessful, powerful, handsome- (Looks into rearview, and sees God in the back seat, having just appeared out of nowhere)
God: (smiling) Let it out, son. It's the beginning of wisdom.
Evan Baxter: How did you get in here? D'ah! I'm calling the cops.
God: No wait. Look-look-look. There's one right there. (Points to a motorcycle cop on the shoulder. Evan rolls down his window)
Evan Baxter: Officer! Officer! Carjacker, carjacker in the car! Carjacker in the car! (the officer turns his head, revealing that he is God)
Officer "God": Careful pulling out. Pedestrian in the crosswalk. (Evan turns around. God has vanished from there. He looks and sees God crossing the street, and in the car behind him, honking for him to move)

Evan Baxter: Eugene said that Long cut corners on building codes.
Joan Baxter: What're you talking about?
Evan Baxter: The lake! Long Lake! It's named after him. It's the lake! (sees the dam starting to burst)
Evan Baxter: Everybody get on the ark now!

Rita: (Referring to Evan Baxter) There he is! The head honcho. The big Kahuna.

Evan Baxter: These birds had a big meal earlier.
Rita: Want me to get my BB gun?

Rita: (Evan's clothes have changed into his Noah outfit) Did you just make a wardrobe change? This isn't the Oscars. You're not Whoopi.

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