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Dumb and Dumber To quotes

Harry Dunne: (Going through his extremely old mail left at his childhood home) Oh, look. An acceptance letter from Arizona State.

Lloyd Christmas: Show us your ti**!
Harry Dunne: Show us your ti**!

Harry Dunne: Let me ask you something Freida. If I'm not Penny's father and Lloyd's not her father then who's her father?
Fraida Felcher: Funny you should ask. (to Penny)
Fraida Felcher: Honey how would uou like to meet some relatives? (Points towards the Stainers)
Lloyd Christmas: Mr Stainer? I should have known. You ho*** old goat!
Fraida Felcher: No Lloyd. Mr Stainer is Penny's grandfather.
Harry Dunne: You mean Pee Stain's the dad?
Lloyd Christmas: Duh!

Harry Dunne: Whoa, Lloyd. Check out the hotties at 12 o'clock.
Lloyd Christmas: That's three hours away. Why can't I check 'em out now?

Harry Dunne: Mr Stainer, Mrs Stainer so nice to see you.
Mr. Stainer: Harry, Lloyd. To what do we the owe the honour at this late hour gentlemen?
Lloyd Christmas: We were just wondering if Pee Stain wanted to come out for some suds snd maybe having his as* handed to him in a couple of games of Dig Dug.
Mr. Stainer: Lloyd. Peter is dead.
Lloyd Christmas: Yeah right. Since when?
Mr. Stainer: Since 1991. Remember?
Lloyd Christmas: The motorcycle accident? But I thought he pulled through. The obituary said he was survived by his parents.
Mr. Stainer: No he did mot pull through.
Lloyd Christmas: Are you sure?
Mr. Stainer: Yes. (Shows the duo a poster of their late son)
Lloyd Christmas: You guys are right. Anyway sorry about that whole thing. Pee Stain and I were close friends.
Mr. Stainer: Yeah we know. You were the one who sold him the motorcycle.
Lloyd Christmas: And if I recall I made him a sweet deal. My bike for his helmet straight up. That thing was a rocket. A little squirrelly on the corners, and when you got on it straight away...
Mr. Stainer: Good night Lloyd. Good night Harry.

Trucker's Pal: Kick his as*, Sea Bass!

Harry Dunne: I wonder what it would have been like to raise a child. (Harry daydreams of what life would have been like if he raised a daughter. First Harry teaches his toddler daughter how to do a stunt on her bike. Harry is then shown knocking one of his daughter's baby teeth out a few years later. We then see that Harry's now teenage daughter has had her first period)
Harry Dunne: .
Penny: (Harry's daughter now an adult goes on a date) Bye dad!
Lloyd Christmas: (Lloyd is acting retarded and is wearing a pink vest and two huge fan gloves) Mr Dunne! Mr Dunne! (about to eat from a dustbin)
Lloyd Christmas: Do you mind?
Harry Dunne: Bon appite kid!

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