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No! Don't fix me! DON'T fix me! I'll never look at another female ever, I swear! Just don't take my manhood, man! Anything but my ma... (he sees a Lassie-esque border collie walk past)
Yo baby wassup, you lookin' pretty sweet there sugar.
I just might hang myself by my underpants! I can get underpants! Well, not really.
(atop an observatory) ... And now, on the day I end it all, I'd like to leave Margaret the bearded lady my rhinestone collar and my wet-dry shaver. I'd like to leave Jack the midget nothing. It's too late for you, Jack. You're a short... (John's Range-Rover pulls up at the main entrance, far below. With John are Lucky and both of the Rats)
... Hey, get out of there! You're in my landing space!
(from the Range-Rover) See if you land on your feet, Road-Kill.
(following John up to confront the tiger) ... Coming right up - one order of man, side of dog.
Good-bye, cruel world. Oh no, I just remembered. I wanted to leave the whip to the baboon. One of the few animals which enjoy that kind of thing.
(attempts to talk the tiger out of jumping from the observatory) Hey, whoa. Take it easy now... Remember that song "Eye of the Tiger," from ROCKY 3? When Rocky was fighting Mr. T, couldn't beat him - then Apollo Creed played "Eye of the Tiger" for him. Rocky beat the snot out of Mr. T because of "Eye of the Tiger." Because that song moved Rocky inside... (He sings the song, way out of tune, to demonstrate)
... Not Eye of the Moose, not Eye of the Bull, Eye of the TIGER.
That's it. I'm jumping.
Listen, I'm a doctor. Maybe I can help you. If I can't, then you can eat me AND Lucky.
Or just him.
All right. I just hope you're a better doctor than you are a singer.
Good job, Doc. Although, seeing a tiger jump 5 stories would have been really cool.
I heard that.
(Rodney's cage is strapped to the top of John's Range-Rover, which is cruising down the highway) ... Come on, Doc! I'm getting whisker-whipped up here! Hey - this is cruel to animals!
One more word, and I'm letting you out! I'll leave you in the wild! With the REAL animals! See how much talk you do when squirrels are kickin' your as* in!
Fine, then I'll just sing! (proceeds to sing Bob Dylan's "Blowin' In the Wind," way out of tune)
..."The answer, my friend, is blowin' in the wind..."
SHUT UP! (turns the radio way up)
(singing) ... This guinea pig is blowin' in the wind!
I can't hear you! I'm groovin'!
...Why do they call me "guinea pig," anyway? I'm not Italian, and I'm not pork...!
SHUT UP, I SAID!
Leave this boy, devil man! Go now, Satan, take the serpent's voices with ya! I command you to come out of this boy! Come on out of this boy! God said it! Come on out of this boy!
(Various animals are pouring into John's apartment) ... Good evening, Doctor.
...No. You're gonna have to take your fat as* back out.
Oh, my God. What a zoo.
Hmm, obviously not a kosher establishment.
(belches) ... Very well-appointed sty.
What's going on? What is all this?
I don't know. You know, tell a friend. Ha ha.
Looks like they need to talk to a doctor, Doc.
Okay. Let's do this. And watch your droppings.
Tonight, this is the house of love! East Coast! West Coast! Let's unite! Is Brooklyn in the house...?
(John has just been talking to an owl when Lisa joins him outside) Oh, my goodness - It's an owl.
Yeah - it's a big, nasty owl. Let's go in.
They're very dangerous: they can poke your eye out; take your finger off very easily... all of that.
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