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Dave quotes

Dave: (after reciting Bob Alexander's charges against him) Okay, let's get right to the guts of it: every one of these accusations is absolutely true. (a sensation passes through the House. Cut to Bob's home, as he and his supporters are watching this on TV; several of them clap him on the back)
Bob Alexander: HO, HO, HO! Die, you pond scum!
Dave: I'm the President, and as they say, the buck stops here. So I take full responsibility for each one of my illegal actions. But that's not the whole story. I think the American people are entitled to the real truth. (opens his briefcase)
Dave: I have here evidence in the form of notes, letters, and written memoranda, proving that Bob Alexander was involved in each of these illegal acts, and in most cases planned them as well. (Cut to Bob's house, where a murmur passes through Bob's supporters, and some of them head for the door)
Bob Alexander: Alan.
Dave: Now, allegations of wrongdoing have also been made against Vice President Nance. Now, as this evidence will prove, at no time and in no way was the Vice President involved in any of this affair. Bob just made all that up. Vice President Nance is a good and decent public servant, and I want to apologize for any pain that this has caused him or his family. (Dave turns and offers his hand. Nance stands and takes it. As they shake, the House applauds. Cut to Bob's home, now empty except for him, as he watches the TV)

Ellen Mitchell: There's no mistake, Bill. When you veto someone's funding that is not a mistake. When you hurt someone intentionally that is not a mistake.

Dave: (entering the Oval Office) Let's get back to work! (bangs the desk with his hand, sits in the chair and falls over)
Dave: Whoa!
Duane: (closing the Oval Office door) He's all right.

Dave: Hail to the chief / He's the one we all say "Hail" to. / We all say "Hail" / 'Cause he keeps himself so clean! / He's got the power, / That's why he's in the shower...

Dave: I mean she's the first lady. I mean couldn't I have started with a cousin?

Dave: You know, I've always wondered about you guys. You know, about how you're trained to take a bullet for the president?
Duane: What about it?
Dave: Is that really true? I mean, would you let yourself be killed to save his life?
Duane: Certainly.
Dave: So, now that means you'd get killed for me too.

Bob Alexander: What do you think you're doing?
Dave: What? Oh, you mean the press conference. I had a couple of ideas that I wanted to share with the country.
Bob Alexander: Share? Share? You don't call a press conference. I call a press conference. You're nothing. Do you understand? You're nobody.
Dave: I'm not nobody.
Bob Alexander: You're LINT! You're a FLEA! You're a BLIP!
Dave: Well... maybe I am. But you're fired.

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