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Let me guess: Piedmont, North Dakota.
South Amboy, New Jersey.
Lil, do we serve water with our whiskey?
Only water I serve's got barley and hops in it. Hey everybody, do we serve water in this bar?
Hi. I'm Violet Sanford. I just recently moved to New York and I was wondering if you would give my tape to one of your artists.
Violet, that is so cute! Now lemme tell you about me. My name is Wendy and I first moved to New York when I was 21 to be a dancer, but I broke my big toe and then I got knocked up by this actor who dumped me to join the Peace Corps, so for the last 16 years I been raising my daughter all by myself and then two weeks ago, she tells me that she is a bisexual and that she hates me more than any person on this planet. (chuckles)
Now tell me how I can help you, please, because I am dying to make *your* dreams come true.
Have a nice day!
"Have a nice day"?
Yeah, I panicked, I didn't know what else to say!
Did you ever wake up sober after a one night stand, and the person you're next to is layin' on your arm, and they're so ugly, you'd rather chew off your arm then risk waking 'em? That's coyote ugly.
Oh, because Cheers was taken.
I'm Cammie, the Russian tease.
Violet, the Jersey nun.
That one's Rachel, the New York bi***. We all play our little parts. Only Rachel really is a bi***, and I really am a tease.
Cammie, you can only be a tease if you stop sleepin' around, babe.
Yeah, I keep forgetting that part!
Oh, right, we don't talk about you, right? It's a big secret. Come on, Kevin, let's play a game. I'm gonna guess why you left Australia.
You were in jail? No that's not it. You have a wife and four kids in Sydney? Come on, am I getting warm? Come on, Kevin, I don't have alot of time. Why'd you run away from home?
I didn't have a home! Is that what you wanted to hear? I don't have a family. I mean that's the big secret! Are you happy? Huh? Are you gonna feel sorry for me now? Are you gonna hold me close while I tell you I had to change homes every 2 years? I had a bad childhood, big deal. I don't need your sympathy! 'Cause I'm here and I'm livin' on my two feet like I wanted to. That was my dream. At least I did it with a little bit of dignity.
And I didn't, that's it?
Well just unbutton the blouse a little and unzip the pants a little, show a little bit of flesh. I think you can figure it out.
Why won't you give up on this?
Because I've been giving up on people my entire life and it's a nasty little habit, so you're going to sing at the club or...
Or you'll what?
I'll never kiss you again.
That sounds like a threat, Mr. O'Donnell.
Well, let's just say it's going to be quite a long, cold winter.
That's supposed to convince me?
It's working, isn't it? Your knees are getting weak.
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