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(Michael frantically dials Morty's number to resolve conflicts he's had with the remote. Morty's silhouette his shown in Micael's ktchen as he finishes dialing the last number. He speaks loudly) Yes?
(Michael yelps and jumps backwards onto the kitchen table. He shatters it and quickly tries to get to his feet as the little dog upstairs begins to bark) You scared the...! (Pulls himslef up)
(From upstairs) Honey, what's going on down there?
It's alright! I, uh... (Hangs up phone)
It was a mouse! I killed it! It's dead! But... (Analyzes the broken mess)
It broke the table first. (Turns to Morty with a shaken voice)
How'd you get in here?
I had a feeling you wanted to see me.
I'm freakin' out. This thing - this thing - it's broken. It-it's just - it's fast forwarding on its own now.
It's not a malfunction it's a feature. It's using it's memory to execute your preferences.
It *remember's* stuff about me? What do you mean?
It's an advance piece of equipment like TiVo. (Smiles)
You could call it MeVo.
I fast forwarded through sex one time. I don't wanna skip it forever; I like sex. I-um-i-it-it feels good.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but you fast forwarded through an entire *year*. That's a lot of sex. Put it all together, it's like... thirty minute's worth for you.
Oh, no, no. So what? Everything I fast forwarded it-it's just gonna do it on its own now?
Pretty much. No more showering. No more traffic. No more arguing. No more sickness.
This is bad. This is bad. Here, you take it back. (Hands Morty the remote and walks off)
I'm deactivating my service. I quit, I quit, I quit.
(Holding the remote) No, come on.
No, no, no. Thanks for everything, alright? But I - (Looks at his right hand and he has the remote. He looks at Morty who has a rather confident grin on his face. Michael looks around the kitchen, throughs the remote in the can and backs up. Only now he realizes that the remote is now held in his opposite hand. Turns to Morty stunned)
You... this is not... (Michael drops the remote on the floor and stomps repeatedly ontop of it, shattering it on impact)
Come on, don't be mean. (the remote is now distroyed under Michael's feets. He confidently waves his hand around. Unkowingly to him, the remote is sitting ontop of his head)
Nice hat. (Michael then takes the remote and tosses it outside)
Whoa! Is this a *stick-up*, or are you just happy? (the remote is in Michael's crotch part of his jeans)
Oh, yeah? I'll take my clothes off. Then what's - ?
I wouldn't do that if I were you. There's only one place left for it to pop up.
Twinkie. You don't need e'm. You don't need e'm. You do need a Yodel, though.
Sorry I'm late. Some idiot in a red Lamborghini parked in my spot.
Prince Habeeboo drive Red Lamborghini.
Oh, did I say red Lamborghini? I meant blue Ferrari.
(standing at Ted's, Michael's dad's, grave) He was a good man. I'm sorry, Michael. I didn't want to take him.
Michael, I'm an angel.
I thought angels were supposed to protect people.
I'm the Angel of Death.
Do you need something, Mr. Newman?
Who are you?
Kirsten... your assistant?
Wha- Wha- What happen to Alice?
She moved to Accounting, couldn't handle your hours.
(Whispering) And she prefers to be called Allen now, remember?
(points at Alice, she is now a he)
No... No! No!
Where am I?
You're at Bed, Bath, and Beyond. You were sleeping on the bed, you're not supposed to... (makes goofy grin)
But I do sometimes.
(trying to convince him to let the project be procrastinated so he can go camping) Three days? Couldn't I have a little more time for this project?
Michael, our clients are Japanese. They can't wait for their fish to cook.
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