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Click quotes

Morty: (Michael frantically dials Morty's number to resolve conflicts he's had with the remote. Morty's silhouette his shown in Micael's ktchen as he finishes dialing the last number. He speaks loudly) Yes?
Michael Newman: (Michael yelps and jumps backwards onto the kitchen table. He shatters it and quickly tries to get to his feet as the little dog upstairs begins to bark) You scared the...! (Pulls himslef up)
Donna Newman: (From upstairs) Honey, what's going on down there?
Michael Newman: It's alright! I, uh... (Hangs up phone)
Michael Newman: It was a mouse! I killed it! It's dead! But... (Analyzes the broken mess)
Michael Newman: It broke the table first. (Turns to Morty with a shaken voice)
Michael Newman: How'd you get in here?
Morty: I had a feeling you wanted to see me.
Michael Newman: I'm freakin' out. This thing - this thing - it's broken. It-it's just - it's fast forwarding on its own now.
Morty: It's not a malfunction it's a feature. It's using it's memory to execute your preferences.
Michael Newman: It *remember's* stuff about me? What do you mean?
Morty: It's an advance piece of equipment like TiVo. (Smiles)
Morty: You could call it MeVo.
Michael Newman: I fast forwarded through sex one time. I don't wanna skip it forever; I like sex. I-um-i-it-it feels good.
Morty: Correct me if I'm wrong, but you fast forwarded through an entire *year*. That's a lot of sex. Put it all together, it's like... thirty minute's worth for you.
Michael Newman: Oh, no, no. So what? Everything I fast forwarded it-it's just gonna do it on its own now?
Morty: Pretty much. No more showering. No more traffic. No more arguing. No more sickness.
Michael Newman: This is bad. This is bad. Here, you take it back. (Hands Morty the remote and walks off)
Michael Newman: I'm deactivating my service. I quit, I quit, I quit.
Morty: (Holding the remote) No, come on.
Michael Newman: No, no, no. Thanks for everything, alright? But I - (Looks at his right hand and he has the remote. He looks at Morty who has a rather confident grin on his face. Michael looks around the kitchen, throughs the remote in the can and backs up. Only now he realizes that the remote is now held in his opposite hand. Turns to Morty stunned)
Michael Newman: You... this is not... (Michael drops the remote on the floor and stomps repeatedly ontop of it, shattering it on impact)
Morty: Come on, don't be mean. (the remote is now distroyed under Michael's feets. He confidently waves his hand around. Unkowingly to him, the remote is sitting ontop of his head)
Morty: Nice hat. (Michael then takes the remote and tosses it outside)
Morty: Whoa! Is this a *stick-up*, or are you just happy? (the remote is in Michael's crotch part of his jeans)
Michael Newman: Oh, yeah? I'll take my clothes off. Then what's - ?
Morty: I wouldn't do that if I were you. There's only one place left for it to pop up.

Michael Newman: Twinkie. You don't need e'm. You don't need e'm. You do need a Yodel, though.

Michael Newman: Sorry I'm late. Some idiot in a red Lamborghini parked in my spot.
Prince Habeeboo: Prince Habeeboo drive Red Lamborghini.
Michael Newman: Oh, did I say red Lamborghini? I meant blue Ferrari.

Morty: (standing at Ted's, Michael's dad's, grave) He was a good man. I'm sorry, Michael. I didn't want to take him.
Michael Newman: What?
Morty: Michael, I'm an angel.
Michael Newman: I thought angels were supposed to protect people.
Morty: I'm the Angel of Death.

Kirsten: Do you need something, Mr. Newman?
Michael Newman: Who are you?
Kirsten: Kirsten... your assistant?
Michael Newman: Wha- Wha- What happen to Alice?
Kirsten: She moved to Accounting, couldn't handle your hours.
Kirsten: (Whispering) And she prefers to be called Allen now, remember?
Kirsten: (points at Alice, she is now a he)
Michael Newman: No... No! No!

Michael Newman: Where am I?
Bed, Bath & Beyond Guy: You're at Bed, Bath, and Beyond. You were sleeping on the bed, you're not supposed to... (makes goofy grin)
Bed, Bath & Beyond Guy: But I do sometimes.

Michael Newman: (trying to convince him to let the project be procrastinated so he can go camping) Three days? Couldn't I have a little more time for this project?
Ammer: Michael, our clients are Japanese. They can't wait for their fish to cook.

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