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Bill and Teds Excellent Adventure quotes

Billy the Kid: Not bad, eh, Socrates? Where are we, dude?
Bill: England, 15th century.
Ted: We are in most excellent shape for our report.
Bill: Yeah, all we need is one more speaker from medieval.
Billy the Kid: Excellent.
Bill: Billy, you are dealing with the oddity of time travel with the greatest of ease.

Rufus: They do get better.

Rufus: Hi, welcome to the future. San Dimas, California, 2688. And I'm telling you it's great here. The air is clean, the water's clean, even the dirt, it's clean. Bowling averages are way up, mini-golf scores are way down. And we have more excellent water slides than any other planet we communicate with. I'm telling you this place is great! But it almost wasn't. You see, 700 years ago, the two great ones, ran into a few problems. So now I have to travel back in time to help them out. If I should fail to keep these two on the correct path, the basis of our society will be in danger. Don't worry, it'll all make sense. I'm a professional.

Bill: If only we could go back to two days ago before your dad lost his keys, and steal them.
Ted: Well, why don't we?
Bill: Cuz we don't have time, dude.
Ted: We could do it after the report.
Bill: Oh, yeah! Where should we put 'em?
Ted: How 'bout behind this sign?
Bill: OK. Woah! It worked! Right, so when we're done with the report, we have to remember to do this or else it won't happen. Except it did happen! Ted, it was you who stole your dad's keys!

Bill: You killed Ted, you medieval dickweed!

Capt. Logan: I wanna speak with you, son. (looks at Bill)
Capt. Logan: Alone, please, Bill. (Bill goes outside)
Capt. Logan: All right, sit down! What am I gonna do with you, huh? You can't be...
Bill: (outside) Great.
Capt. Logan: You lose my keys, you fail history, you spend all your time with your loser friend planning a band that'll never happen. Now, you're not to leave this house again until tommorow morning. (the phone rings)
Capt. Logan: Yes?
Bill: Captain Logan? This is Deputy Van Halen down at the station.
Capt. Logan: Deputy Van Halen? (Ted sees Bill on the phone outside)
Bill: I'm new dude - sir. Look, we found your keys. If you want 'em, better come and get 'em. (hangs up)
Capt. Logan: When I get back from the station, I want you packed and ready to go. Got it? (Ted nods; Capt. Logan leaves)
Ted: (outside) We are in serious trouble. My dad already signed me up, my plane leaves tommorow night.
Bill: Only if we fail, dude. (they look at the phone booth)
Bill: No way!

Bill: How's it goin' ladies?
Princess Elizabeth: You're the ones we saw in front of the castle.
Ted: I am Ted of San Dimas, and, uh, I bring to you a message of love.
Princess Elizabeth: (giggles) From who?
Ted: (thinking) From... from myself.
Princess Elizabeth: And what is this message you speak of?
Ted: Uh...
Bill: (whispers in ted's ear) Lyrics, dude, recite them some lyrics.
Ted: Oh, you beautiful babes from England, for whom we have traveled through time... will you go to the prom with us in San Dimas? We will have a most triumphant time! (princesses giggle)
Bill: Way to go, dude!

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