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Lines and quotes from the movie Bad Santa. Check out our collection of dialogues and quotes from the film Bad Santa and search our website for thousands of other quotes on various topics from a great variety of authors, movies and tv shows.

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Bad Santa quotes

Marcus: You are by far the dumbest, most pathetic piece of maggot eatin' sh** that has every slid from a human being's hairy as*.

Police Chief: Drop the gun!
Marcus: Huh?
Police Chief: And you, Santa, drop the elephant!
Marcus: How did you get here?
Police Chief: Tipped off.
Willie: Oh, sh**, that fu***** kid!
Police Chief: All three of you are in so much sh**, it's almost unbelievable.

Marcus: How much?
Gin: Half.
Willie: No fu***** way...
Marcus: Just back off, Will, I got this. I got this! Okay, 30%. That's three of us. 30%, that's fair.
Gin: Half.
Marcus: I meant 33%.
Gin: I meant half.
Marcus: And 1/3.
Gin: Half.
Marcus: 35%.
Gin: Half.
Marcus: 40%.
Gin: Half.
Marcus: 42%?
Gin: Half.
Marcus: Um... 45%.
Gin: (Thinks for a minute) Half.
Marcus: 48%?
Gin: (In British accent) Half.
Marcus: 49%?
Gin: Half.

Marcus: You probably shouldn't be digging in your as*.

Gin: (after seeing a kid has placed a game in his pants) What's this?
Shoplifter: I was going to pay for it.
Gin: Wrong answer.

Kid: It's a wooden pickle.

Willie: Are you fu***** with me?

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