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Back to School quotes

Dr. Phillip Barbay: Diane!
Diane: (intoxicated) Oh, Philip!
Dr. Phillip Barbay: We were supposed to go to dinner.
Diane: I just had dinner!
Dr. Phillip Barbay: I don't believe this.
Diane: (laughs) Maybe it's a dream! Good night, Philip.

Jason Melon: AAAHHH! Dad, uh... what are you doing here?
Thornton Melon: I'm robbing your room! That's what I'm doing here.
Thornton Melon: (to Lou) We drive 300 miles to see the kid, that's the greeting we get. Ha!
Thornton Melon: (to Jason) Come here, will ya? Ha ha ha. (they both laugh and embrace)
Thornton Melon: Heya. How ya doing?

Thornton Melon: - but a great view! You're all right, officer. Here, a little something for the kids. (hands officer cash)
Thornton Melon: No kids? Well, get yourself some kids. Take it all. (hands officer more cash)
Thornton Melon: And just remember, the best thing about kids... is making them!

Derek: (at the diving competition) You know what you almost never see? Somebody heckling a diver. (blows an air horn just as a diver is going into his dive)

Trendy Man: Mr. Melon, your wife was just showing us her Klimt.
Thornton Melon: You too, huh? She's shown it to everybody.
Trendy Man: Well, she's very proud of it.
Thornton Melon: I'm proud of mine too. I don't go waving it around at parties, though.
Trendy Man: It's an exceptional painting.
Thornton Melon: Oh, the painting.

Diane: Hello, Philip.
Dr. Phillip Barbay: What did he want?
Diane: Oh! What do ALL men want?
Dr. Phillip Barbay: (wryly) He wants you to dress up as Wonder Woman? Tie him up with a golden lariat and force him to tell the truth?
Diane: No, just dinner, Philip.
Diane: (laughs) Are you jealous of Thornton Melon?
Dr. Phillip Barbay: Certainly not.

Derek: (explaining his "anti-pep rally") Violent ground acquisition games such as football is in fact a crypto-fascist metaphor for nuclear war.

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