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Lines and quotes from the movie Back to School. Check out our collection of dialogues and quotes from the film Back to School and search our website for thousands of other quotes on various topics from a great variety of authors, movies and tv shows.

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Back to School quotes

Dr. Phillip Barbay: Diane!
Diane: (intoxicated) Oh, Philip!
Dr. Phillip Barbay: We were supposed to go to dinner.
Diane: I just had dinner!
Dr. Phillip Barbay: I don't believe this.
Diane: (laughs) Maybe it's a dream! Good night, Philip.

Jason Melon: AAAHHH! Dad, uh... what are you doing here?
Thornton Melon: I'm robbing your room! That's what I'm doing here.
Thornton Melon: (to Lou) We drive 300 miles to see the kid, that's the greeting we get. Ha!
Thornton Melon: (to Jason) Come here, will ya? Ha ha ha. (they both laugh and embrace)
Thornton Melon: Heya. How ya doing?

Thornton Melon: - but a great view! You're all right, officer. Here, a little something for the kids. (hands officer cash)
Thornton Melon: No kids? Well, get yourself some kids. Take it all. (hands officer more cash)
Thornton Melon: And just remember, the best thing about kids... is making them!

Derek: (at the diving competition) You know what you almost never see? Somebody heckling a diver. (blows an air horn just as a diver is going into his dive)

Trendy Man: Mr. Melon, your wife was just showing us her Klimt.
Thornton Melon: You too, huh? She's shown it to everybody.
Trendy Man: Well, she's very proud of it.
Thornton Melon: I'm proud of mine too. I don't go waving it around at parties, though.
Trendy Man: It's an exceptional painting.
Thornton Melon: Oh, the painting.

Diane: Hello, Philip.
Dr. Phillip Barbay: What did he want?
Diane: Oh! What do ALL men want?
Dr. Phillip Barbay: (wryly) He wants you to dress up as Wonder Woman? Tie him up with a golden lariat and force him to tell the truth?
Diane: No, just dinner, Philip.
Diane: (laughs) Are you jealous of Thornton Melon?
Dr. Phillip Barbay: Certainly not.

Derek: (explaining his "anti-pep rally") Violent ground acquisition games such as football is in fact a crypto-fascist metaphor for nuclear war.

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