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Anger Management quotes

Dr. Buddy Rydell: Now then we need to go over some ground rules. You are to refrain from any any acts of violence including verbal assault and vulgar hand gestures. You may not use rage enhancing substances, such as caffeine, nicotine, alcohol, crack cocaine, slippy-flippy's, jelly stingers, trick sticks, bing bangs or flying willards.
Dave Buznik: How about fiddle-faddles?
Dr. Buddy Rydell: Under my supervision. Also, if you are unable to stop masturbating, please do so without the use of any pornographic images depicting quote, unquote 'angry sex.' That having been said, I'm a pretty good guy and I think you'll be pleasantly surprised how much fun we can have together.
Dave Buznik: Geez, without slippy-flippies or angry masturbating I don't see how that's possible.
Dr. Buddy Rydell: Sarcasm is anger's ugly cousin, Dave. From now on, unacceptable.

Blind Man: Happy now, asswipe?

Dave Buznik: Five hour drive to find out mommy had a jelly bean removed from her nose... Glad I missed work. Can we eat now?

Lou: I have a question: Why is it that Chuck here thinks he could smoke?
Chuck: Cause I do whatever I want whenever I want, you little Spanish fruit topping.
Lou: Honey, at least I didn't make my aunt pregnant.

Dr. Buddy Rydell: Temper's the one thing you can't get rid of, by losing it.

Dr. Buddy Rydell: Dave assaulted a female flight attendant in mid-air.
Stacy: Nice.
Gina: I bet you beat her good.
Dave Buznik: I didn't beat anybody. I touched a woman...
Chuck: Liar, bullshitter, you're a WOMAN BEATER! And you can't admit it, because you're a deluded piece of garbage!
Dave Buznik: I don't know about all that but... now I know why you're here.

Lou: So my boss, he was talking to me about how many sick days I've taken. And I was like, you know 'Don't go there,' you know. But he kept on about wanting to see some kind of a doctor's note or something. And I said 'Look, I'm seriously serious. You *don't* want to go there. He kept talking and talking and being such a nag, and I just *blacked out.* I blacked out. And I woke up, and I was standing over him and I was screaming "I told you not to go there! I told you not to go there!"

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