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I feel like I've been in a coma for the past twenty years. And I'm just now waking up.
I need a father who's a role model, not some ho*** geek-boy who's gonna spray his shorts whenever I bring a girlfriend home from school. What a lame-o. Someone really should just put him out of his misery.
Want me to kill him for you?
Yeah. Would you?
I am sick and tired of being treated like I don't exist. You two do whatever you want, whenever you want to do it, and I don't complain.
Oh, you don't complain? Then please, excuse me, I must be psychotic, then! If you don't complain, what is this? Yeah, let's bring in the laugh-meter and see how loud it gets.
(Lester throws the asparagus plate at the wall) Don't interrupt me, honey!
(sits back down to eat) Oh, yeah, and one more thing, from now on we're going to have alternate dinner music because frankly - and I don't think I'm alone here... (looks in Jane's direction)
I'm tired of this Lawrence Welk sh**!
I don't think you'd fit in here.
I have fast food experience.
Yeah, like twenty years ago!
Well, I'm sure there have been amazing technological advances in the industry, but surely you must have some sort of training program. It seems unfair to presume I won't be able to learn.
Welcome to America's weirdest home videos.
So, Janie, how was school?
It was okay.
No, Dad, it was spectacular.
My name is Lester Burnham. This is my neighborhood; this is my street; this is my life. I am 42 years old; in less than a year I will be dead. Of course I don't know that yet, and in a way, I am dead already.
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