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Airplane II The Sequel quotes

Steve McCroskey: Would somebody please tell me what in Sam Hill a woman is doing up there in charge of that ship?
Jacobs: Well maybe she's got her ship together.

First Woman in Line: Where is the passenger processing lounge for the lunar shuttle?
Information Agent: Concourse lounge C, fourth level.
First Woman in Line: Thank you.
Information Agent: Next?
Next Woman in Line: How long is my parking permit good for?
Information Agent: Two hours.
Next Woman in Line: Thank you.
Information Agent: Yes, next?
Next Man: What's the fastest animal on Earth?
Information Agent: The cheetah. Next?
Information Agent: Yes.
Information Agent: Next?

Nurse: Excuse me, ma'am. There's some, pretty badly banged up, people back there. I'm gonna need some fresh sheets, guaze, Q-Tips, and all the vasoline you have on board.
Elaine Dickinson: Ted, Please.
Nurse: Right now!
Nurse: Yes, take this. The washroom's, just right down there, on the right.

Clarence Oveur: Anti-gravity check.
Dunn: All right. (presses a button, which causes the crewman in the spacesuit who is listening and moving to the beat of "Car Wash" on his headphones to float in the air)
Dunn: Checks out in positive mode, sir.
Clarence Oveur: Check. (the spacesuit man is still floating upside down)
Dunn: Checks out in negative mode, sir.
Clarence Oveur: Check.
Dunn: Neutral balance seems all right, sir.
Clarence Oveur: Good, that shall do it.
Dunn: Anti-gravity off, sir. (Turns off the anti-gravity, causing the spacesuit crewman to fall to the floor)
Clarence Oveur: Hope this weather doesn't give us a problem. (He sticks his hand out the window to feel the temperature)
Clarence Oveur: Mr. Dunn, what's your temperature reading?
Dunn: (takes thermometer out of his mouth and reads the mercury level) Uh, 98.6 sir.
Clarence Oveur: That sounds normal.

Elaine Dickinson: (speaking into handset) Hello, this is the Mayflower. Come in. Anyone?
Steve McCroskey: Okay okay. Now we're making some headway. (responds into handset)
Steve McCroskey: Yeah yeah, we read you Mayflower. Identify yourself.
Elaine Dickinson: Well, this is Elaine Dickinson. I'm 5-foot-8, 123 pounds. I have, uh, brown hair, blue eyes. I enjoy surfing, backgammon and men who aren't afraid to cry.

Steve McCroskey: (after hearing Striker on the radio) A man - now that's more like it. (to the radio)
Steve McCroskey: Come in Mayflower 1, give me your name and position.
Striker: My name's Striker and I'm sitting down and facing front. Why would you want to know that?

Clerk: Do you swear on the Constitution of the United States to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help you God?
Witness: Ain't no thing. (he slaps the clerk's book and the clerk uses his book to slap the witnesses hand as if "giving fives" to each other)
Defense Attorney: (approaches the witness as he sits down in the witness stand) Would you describe, in your own words, what happened that night?
Witness: Check it, bleed. Bro... was ON! Didn't trip. But the folks was freakin', Man. Hey, and the pilots were laid to the bone, Homes. (the stenographer wears sunglasses and sways back and forth as he types)
Witness: So Blood hammered out and jammed jet ship. Tightened that bad sucker inside the runway like a mother. sh**.

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