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Randy, how do the little piggies go?
(oinks like a pig)
That's right. Oink, oink! Now show me how the piggies eat. (points to his plate)
This is your trough. Show me how the piggies eat. Be a good boy. Show mommy how the piggies eat.
(plunges face into mashed potatoes, oinks, eats, and laughs)
(laughs) Mommy's little piggie!
(narrating) Meanwhile, I struggled for exactly the right BB gun hint. It had to be firm, but subtle.
Flick says he saw some grizzly bears near Pulaski's candy store! (everyone stares at Ralphie)
(narrating) They looked at me as if I had lobsters crawling out of my ears.
Hey, smart as*. I asked my old man about sticking your tongue to a flagpole in the winter, and he says that it'll freeze right to the pole, just like I told ya.
Ah, baloney. What would your old man know about anything?
He knows, because he once saw a guy stick his tongue to a railroad track on a bet, and the fire department had to come get the guy's tongue off the track, because he couldn't get it off.
(is trying to catch up) C'mon, guys! Wait up! C'mon, guys! Wait up!
(narrating) I left Flick to certain annihilation. But BB gun mania knows no loyalty.
You mundane noodle!
(narrating) Over the years I got to be quite a connoisseur of soap. My personal preference was for Lux, but I found Palmolive had a nice, piquant after-dinner flavor - heady, but with just a touch of mellow smoothness. Life Buoy, on the other hand...
Round One was over. heh heh. Parents one, kids, zip. I can feel the Christmas noose beginning to tighten. Maybe, what happened next, was inevitable.
Ralphie, what would you like for Christmas?
Horrified, I heard myself blurt it out!
I want a Red Ryder carbine action two-hundred shot range model air rifle. Oooooooh!
No, you'll shoot your eye out.
Oh no! It was a classic, mother BB-gun block. "You'll shoot your eye out!" That deadly phrase honored many times by hundreds of mothers was not surmountable by any means known to Kid-dom, but such as my mania, my desire for a Red Ryder carbine, that I immediately began to rebuild the dike.
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