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Lines and quotes from the movie A Christmas Story. Check out our collection of dialogues and quotes from the film A Christmas Story and search our website for thousands of other quotes on various topics from a great variety of authors, movies and tv shows.

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A Christmas Story quotes

Mother: Randy, how do the little piggies go?
Randy: (oinks like a pig)
Mother: That's right. Oink, oink! Now show me how the piggies eat. (points to his plate)
Mother: This is your trough. Show me how the piggies eat. Be a good boy. Show mommy how the piggies eat.
Randy: (plunges face into mashed potatoes, oinks, eats, and laughs)
Mother: (laughs) Mommy's little piggie!

Ralphie as Adult: (narrating) Meanwhile, I struggled for exactly the right BB gun hint. It had to be firm, but subtle.
Ralphie: Flick says he saw some grizzly bears near Pulaski's candy store! (everyone stares at Ralphie)
Ralphie as Adult: (narrating) They looked at me as if I had lobsters crawling out of my ears.

Schwartz: Hey, smart as*. I asked my old man about sticking your tongue to a flagpole in the winter, and he says that it'll freeze right to the pole, just like I told ya.
Flick: Ah, baloney. What would your old man know about anything?
Schwartz: He knows, because he once saw a guy stick his tongue to a railroad track on a bet, and the fire department had to come get the guy's tongue off the track, because he couldn't get it off.
Randy: (is trying to catch up) C'mon, guys! Wait up! C'mon, guys! Wait up!

Ralphie as Adult: (narrating) I left Flick to certain annihilation. But BB gun mania knows no loyalty.

Mr. Parker: You mundane noodle!

Ralphie as Adult: (narrating) Over the years I got to be quite a connoisseur of soap. My personal preference was for Lux, but I found Palmolive had a nice, piquant after-dinner flavor - heady, but with just a touch of mellow smoothness. Life Buoy, on the other hand...
Ralphie: YECCHH!

Ralphie as Adult: Round One was over. heh heh. Parents one, kids, zip. I can feel the Christmas noose beginning to tighten. Maybe, what happened next, was inevitable.
Mother: Ralphie, what would you like for Christmas?
Ralphie as Adult: Horrified, I heard myself blurt it out!
Ralphie as Adult: I want a Red Ryder carbine action two-hundred shot range model air rifle. Oooooooh!
Mother: No, you'll shoot your eye out.
Ralphie as Adult: Oh no! It was a classic, mother BB-gun block. "You'll shoot your eye out!" That deadly phrase honored many times by hundreds of mothers was not surmountable by any means known to Kid-dom, but such as my mania, my desire for a Red Ryder carbine, that I immediately began to rebuild the dike.

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