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A Christmas Story quotes

Ralphie as Adult: (narrating) Some men are Baptists, others Catholics; my father was an Oldsmobile man.
Mr. Parker: That son of a bi*** would freeze up in the middle of summer on the equator!
Mother: Little pitchers!
Mr. Parker: Thanks... hold it! (the furnace conks out)
Mr. Parker: It's a clinker! That blasted stupid furnace dadgummit! (he walks down a few stairs and falls the rest of the way down)
Mr. Parker: da** skates! (coughing)
Mr. Parker: Oh, for cripes sake, open up the damper will ya? Who the hell turned it all the way down? AGAIN! Oh, blast it!
Ralphie as Adult: (narrating) In the heat of battle my father wove a tapestry of obscenities that as far as we know is still hanging in space over Lake Michigan.

Randy: I can't put my arms down!
Mother: Well... put your arms down when you get to school.

Mom: (Playing Santa) And this is for daddy... (Picks up a gift-wrapped bowling ball and drops it in The Old Man's Lap)
Mom: Here, from me to you.
The Old Man: (high-pitched) Thanks a lot!

Ralphie as Adult: (narrating) The line waiting to see Santa Claus stretched all the way back to Terre Haute. And I was at the end of it.

Ralphie as Adult: My father's spare tires were only tires on the academic sense. They were round,and had once been made of rubber.

Ralphie as Adult: (narrating) The heavenly aroma still hung in the house. But it was gone, all gone! No turkey! No turkey sandwiches! No turkey salad! No turkey gravy! Turkey Hash! Turkey a la King! Or gallons of turkey soup! Gone, ALL GONE!

Ralphie: Hey Dad! I'll bet you'll never guess what I got you for Christmas.
The Old Man: A new furnace.
Ralphie: Ha ha! That's a good one, Dad! (Randy laughs)

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