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(narrating) Some men are Baptists, others Catholics; my father was an Oldsmobile man.
That son of a bi*** would freeze up in the middle of summer on the equator!
Thanks... hold it! (the furnace conks out)
It's a clinker! That blasted stupid furnace dadgummit! (he walks down a few stairs and falls the rest of the way down)
da** skates! (coughing)
Oh, for cripes sake, open up the damper will ya? Who the hell turned it all the way down? AGAIN! Oh, blast it!
(narrating) In the heat of battle my father wove a tapestry of obscenities that as far as we know is still hanging in space over Lake Michigan.
I can't put my arms down!
Well... put your arms down when you get to school.
(Playing Santa) And this is for daddy... (Picks up a gift-wrapped bowling ball and drops it in The Old Man's Lap)
Here, from me to you.
(high-pitched) Thanks a lot!
(narrating) The line waiting to see Santa Claus stretched all the way back to Terre Haute. And I was at the end of it.
My father's spare tires were only tires on the academic sense. They were round,and had once been made of rubber.
(narrating) The heavenly aroma still hung in the house. But it was gone, all gone! No turkey! No turkey sandwiches! No turkey salad! No turkey gravy! Turkey Hash! Turkey a la King! Or gallons of turkey soup! Gone, ALL GONE!
Hey Dad! I'll bet you'll never guess what I got you for Christmas.
A new furnace.
Ha ha! That's a good one, Dad! (Randy laughs)
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