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Selected quotes by George Carlin. Check out our extensive collection of quotations and sayings from George Carlin and search our website for thousands of other quotes on various topics from a great variety of authors, movies and tv shows.

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George Carlin quotes

George Carlin
Weather forecast for tonight: dark.

George Carlin
Weather forecast for tonight: dark. Continued dark overnight, with widely scattered light by morning.

George Carlin
Why is there so much controversy about drug testing? I know plenty of guys who would be willing to test any drug they could come up with

George Carlin
I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose

George Carlin
The caterpillar does all the work but the butterfly gets all the publicity

George Carlin
If a man smiles all the time, he's probably selling something that doesn't work

George Carlin
And, of course, the funniest food of all, kumquats.

George Carlin
Just think of how stupid the average person is, and then realize half of them are even stupider!

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