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Erma Bombeck quotes

Erma Bombeck
Some say our national pastime is baseball. Not me. It's gossip.

Erma Bombeck
For years it has done its job. It has led me not into temptation. It has reminded my husband numerous times at parties that it's time to go home. It has been a source of relief to a dinner companion. It has been a status symbol in the maternity ward.

Erma Bombeck
I've been on a constant diet for the last two decades. I've lost a total of 789 pounds. By all accounts, I should be hanging from a charm bracelet.

Erma Bombeck
Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence.

Erma Bombeck
Anybody who watches three games of football in a row should be declared brain dead.

Erma Bombeck
If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.

Erma Bombeck
As a child, my number one best friend was the librarian in my grade school. I actually believed all those books belonged to her.

Erma Bombeck
In general, my children refused to eat anything that hadn't danced on TV.

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