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Emo Philips quotes

Emo Philips
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

Emo Philips
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.

Emo Philips
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realized that the Lord doesn't work that way, so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.

Emo Philips
I was sleeping the other night, alone, thanks to the exterminator.

Emo Philips
I was the kid next door's imaginary friend.

Emo Philips
How many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my hand.

Emo Philips
People always ask me, "Where were you when Kennedy was shot?" Well, I don't have an alibi.

Emo Philips
My computer beat me at checkers, but I sure beat it at kickboxing.